tilly and the bean

deuce-deuce

2012-01-12T04:39:00.000-08:00

Big changes are upon us and the little. Tomorrow we will be embarking on our biggest adventure yet. We are moving down south! {And just in time for Chicago's first snow storm--thanks Chicago, PREESH!} Anyway. Miss Mills is 22 months {and a week or so} old. That's almost two years old for the math-deficient. Which also means I can probably stop referring to her age in months. Big deal! No really it is! Does this mean I will stop posting {somewhat} monthly updates? Not sure. Guess we'll all have to wait and see. Pins and needles!

Back to Amelia Lee: She is a wild thing. She has hair {finally!}. She communicates fairly well and knows what I mean when I say, "Use your words." She sleeps well and eats well {finally!}. She likes people {especially her best friends Lola/Yaya, Bowen/Bubba, and Willie/WeeWee my parents dog}. She hugs and kisses. She laughs hysterically when you tickle her or hold her upside down or do something silly. I love to make her laugh. {And I love how easy it is.} She colors and draws and attempts to name colors. She counts {two and six, mostly}. She likes to sign songs {or for me to sing songs while she does the hand motions}. She likes down time. She likes to run and hop and jump. She likes to sit in Millie-sized chairs and at Millie-sized tables. She likes to push strollers and take care of babies {including undressing, dressing, feeding, rocking, soothing, etc.}. She likes to be held. She likes to jump on our bed/her bed. She likes to pretend to go to sleep {after saying, "night-night...bye...i love you"}. She likes to point out cars, trucks, tractors, buses, trains. She eats hummus with a spoon. She wakes up happy and plays in her crib {this is AMAZING and a new development}. She loves her mama and her daddyO {she calls Brad DaddyO and I die of the cuteness}. She loves dogs and cats and crouches beside them and attempts to pick them up. She hates getting her hair wet {still}. She loves her grandparents. She is obsessed with books {especially: Not a Box, Where the Wild Things Are, I am a Bunny, In the Garden, Everyone Poops, ABCs, and Go to Sleep, My Love}. She sleeps with like 17 babies/animals {really only 6}. She still wears a sleep sack {with the bottom opened up because she's too tall}. She calls it a "seep-sap." She has a flair for drama. She stares. She likes going to the gym daycare and sometimes ignores me when I arrive to pick her up and I have to go and physically get her {major burn}. She likes to be held and cuddled when she wakes up from her nap {1-3pm-ish}. She likes necklaces, sunglasses, and my engagement ring. She doesn't mind making a scene. She still talks about our Christmas Tree.

I hope this great transition goes smoothly for her little sensitive soul. She is learning new words every day. Lately I've been focusing on beach and sunshine. We can't wait.

20&21

2011-12-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

Uh, whoops. Really dropped the ball there for a while, huh? {I'm pretty sure I've said that same exact phrase not too long ago right here. But it still applies, so dewai.}

Well the little miss is 21 months old. That's like, seriously old in baby/toddlerdom, right? I don't even know where to begin. She is doing so much, saying so much, acting a fool so much, being a little love so much, learning so much, teaching me so much, moving around so much, making her opinions known so much, playing so much, coloring so much, throwing things so much, smiling so much, laughing so much, climbing so much, jumping so much, jabbering so much. She's just a real live little person. And don't you forget it!

We went through a rough sleeping stage a ways back. {That I'd like to document for my own reference. Deal with it.} Yeah. That was BRUTAL. She resisted naps and bedtime and resisted strongly and loudly. She would cry and scream and call for us. And she started waking (more than once) in the night. No fun I tell ya. Especially after over a year of pretty smooth sleep sailing. But our easy-to-sleep baby is back. THANK GOD. Like a lot of baby-related-routines, they like to switch it up every 2 weeks or so. Which sounds like a looooooooong time when you're in the midst of it, but not so much in the grand scheme. So that happened.

Next! She is picking up new words every day and I have to admit, this is my most favorite thing so far: teaching her to say funny things! {Or just things in general!} Her little voice saying "I love you" and "purple" and "apple." I just can't get enough. She's started saying some phrases {"up please" and "help me"} but mostly she will just say one word followed by "yeah" when she wants something. And you must must must validate whatever it is she is saying or the repeating begins and it will not end. Nope. No end in sight. Tree, lights, truck, tractor, off, diaper, wipes, cheese, wa-wa/water, yellow, book, mama, daddy-o, mommy, baby, bebe, willie/wee-wee, bottle {for the baby}, potty, up, car, bike, BUS, eat, oatmeal, snackies, hold me, trash, ticks/stickers, cow, owee, puppy, kitty, night-night, bubba, and UH-OH are the usual go-to's at this point but that's just off the top of my head. Lots of animals noises, random grunting noises, and indistinguishables as well.

She loves: coloring, BOOKS {even the "big kid" real paper books! She doesn't even try to destroy them!}, sorting things, school, gym daycare and having the babies drive the shopping cart (?), when DaddyO gets home/is home, her BUS!, climbing into chairs/stools, jumping in her crib, feeding baby, sitting on laps, playing with friends {Bowen/Bubba, Lola/Yaya, Griffin, and Charlie} and their toys, babies in general, pointing out cars, bikes, buses, trucks, and tractors, ripping off her bib when she's done eating {or thinks she's done}, putting stickers on things and then taking them off and throwing them in the trash {clearly not a pack rat...yet}, picking lint up off the floor and throwing it in the trash, blowing her nose and throwing the tissue in the trash, {I think you get it}, putting things in different containers, tearing the paper labels off crayons {and you guessed it...throwing it in the trash}, CHALK, closing doors, running, jumping, bows, going for walks, swinging, sliding, park-going, reading, saying MINE and pointing to herself, yelling MAMA/MOMMY, feeding herself, making crayon soup to feed baby, and a bunch of other stuff.

Eating is still a struggle over in these parts. She eats and she eats good foods, but just not the quantity I'd like her to. I mean, some days she eats like a HOSS and then other days she acts as if food is poison. The same exact food she just gobbled up the day before. It's lunacy. But apparently completely typical toddler behavior. Maybe because they ARE lunatics. Maybe? When she obliges, she eats oatmeal, banana, and cinnamon {basically every single morning}, eggs, cheese {only the special grass-fed sharp cheddar or string cheese}, avocado, cucumber, spinach cakes, hummus and carrot, rice crackers/cakes, rice, mac&cheese, edamame, pasta, yogurt, berries (raspberries are a BIG hit}, smoothies every day {where I sneak in spinach/kale/greens}, pizza, satsumas, um, yeah I think that's about it. Oh, and obvi any "snackie." Especially if it belongs to someone else. I also let her have a cookie. FAN.

Her Montessori school program just ended and I am so glad we did it. She really learned so much and had fun there. On our last day, we pulled up and she just kept repeating "happy! happy!" over and over. So yay for that. We'll definitely be continuing on the Montessori path if at all possible. She seems to thrive in the child-led environment since she's a motivated little learner and oh so curious. She got to know the routine so well: up the stairs by herself, take off shoes/boots and put them in the cubby, hang up coat on the hanger, find some work, put work back on the shelf, find more work, etc. etc. The only aspect that she never warmed up to was "circle time" at the end where the whole group came together to sing. It continued to surprise me because she LOVES the songs we sing and asks for them all day long. IDK. Rebel?

We've started initiating "quiet times" into Millie's life, when necessary. This usually occurs after hitting one of us or throwing toys. We remind her not to do the unwanted behavior and then if she continues we ask her to go to her room for a quiet time--basically just to cool off. Sometimes she puts up a good stink about it but really I think she's mostly thrilled. She likes her alone time {as do I} and she typically just goes in there and pulls a million books out. I go in when she's quiet and we have a little talk to remind her it's not okay to hit people or throw food/toys/books/etc. It seems to work so we're sticking with it. She's a fairly good listener and can follow directions {puts her boots away when she takes them off/put her shoes on when it's time to go/hangs her coat up on her little rack/gets a book when asked/puts her toys away} when she wants to. Which, you know, she's 21 months so is not all that often. But hey, we'll take it.

I still think that she's one of the smartest, sweetest, funniest, coolest, spunkiest person I've ever known. And I'm so so so glad she's mine. Er, ours.

19er

2011-10-12T11:09:00.001-07:00

People. We've got some problems. Hitting, biting, swatting, NO-ing, whining, tantrum-ing, attitudey-ness, and insert other dreadful toddler behaviors here. I'm not joking when I say it's a damn good thing she's cute. And honestly, she really is so cute. Sometimes I just want to smoosh her face and eat her up. But MY GOD she is a challenge. I love her spunk, but holy wow there is a LOT of it. She's still sweet and silly and snugly (sometimes) and thoughtful and funny. But she has a mean streak and it can come at the most inopportune times dude. Like, mostly in the middle of quiet, peaceful Montessori class. Or whenever we do something she doesn't want us to do or ask her to do something she doesn't want to do. Basically whenever something isn't quite going her way. Yeah, then. However, I know it's developmentally appropriate, yada yada, a phase, it will pass, etc. etc. That doesn't really help when she's basically attacking me in front of 10 other toddlers and moms who are staring at me wondering why I can't control my 20 lb child. Oh hey how about YOU GIVE IT A GO.

So, that's happening. We say no, tell her it's not nice, show her the "ow-ee" and move on. Occasionally I'll take her for some quiet time, if that's doable. Basically it sucks. Here's hoping she learns quickly and learns to express her frustration in another way.

She is strong-willed. And freakishly strong. And confident. And headstrong. And other strong things. She will do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. But I'm thisclose to teaching her to say "I love you," so there is THAT.

She's picking up new words every day. Including shit. WHOOPS. Who said that?! She will repeat most of what you ask her to say, in her own way of course. She's got a few of what I refer to as her "universal words." Haven't quite identified what they mean yet but they sound like, "Shasha" and "Ceci." This morning, completely unprompted, she pointed my mouth and said, "mouth," then pointed to my eye, ear, and hair and identified them correctly. I was slightly to majorly (absurdly) excited. She says lots of other stuff too and it's so fun to hear her little teeny voice. My favorite new word is, "Yeah," which she actually says quite a lot. I guess she's a keeper.

Oh, and she likes wearing hair bows! Which is a double bonus because it means she actually has enough hair to wear a bow!

Okay! Pictures!

{Our new "view." Womp, womp.}

{Off to collect berries in Bebe's garden.}

{She ate them all.}
{She freaks.}
She climbs stairs solo. {And standing now!}

{She cheeses it up for Daddy.}
{She kisses boys. (?!)}
{She goes to big kid birthday parties.}
{She walks in heels better than me.}
{She plays with her cousins.}
{She shows giraffe a picture of a giraffe.}
{"MmmmmmmAH"}
{She grows up.}

Year and a Half

2011-09-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

18 months old. She's 18 months old, that little rascal. So very wild, this whole growing up/watching your baby grow up thing.

So much has been going on in this past month. For one, we moved. Only across town, but to a new home in a new neighborhood with a whole new room for Mills. It took a bit of getting used to, but she's back to her easy-to-bed self and we're relieved. The place is just fine. (For the most part. We've got two (loud but nice) young dudes living upstairs. I had forgotten all about the dorm-style-living. Not that I needed to be reminded.)

Some stats:

*She's got a full set of (baby) teeth. As in, 20 chompers. AND had her first visit to the dentist. (Not her favorite.) And we're brushing those teeth on the daily.
*Not sure how much she weighs, but I'm guessing right around 20lbs. Yup, still a lightweight.
*Her hair is coming in. No really, it is. Bald baby no more!
*Just like the baby books say, her vocabulary really started to explode right around 18months. Some of my favorites include: tractor (still), star, hi!, bye! truck, bike ("bipe"), bubbles (buh-buh), octopus (ock...pos), nice, mama/mommy, daddy (dah-eeeee), lola (wo-wa), vrrrooom vrroooom for car, WEEEEEEEEEEE, wa-wa for water, Bebe, Pop, and Wee-Wee (Willie), ball, Bowen (which sounds like buh-ba), and she still uses lots of sign language (more, milk, banana, baby, waves, pounds it out, cheers, etc. etc.) and a lot of animal noises (my favorite is "tweeeet!" for birds).
*Bath time has become a bit of a struggle these days...not sure why. She still detests having water poured over her head. So the hair washing? Torture.
*She eats a lot. Which is good. She's loving hummus SO much right now. Obsessed. Others: banana, oatmeal (every.single.morning), peaches, cheese, broccoli/spinach potato cakes, smoothies, eggs, guac, chips (oops), cucumbers, apples, grapes, well, any fruit basically. So yeah, she eats.
*Sleeping. She's a pretty good sleeper going to bed around 7pm (talking and singing herself to sleep for 30+minutes) and getting up between 6:30-7am. She naps easily as well, from 1-3ish. Sometimes less, sometimes more. She needs both her sippy of milk and a banana to munch on during each nap/bedtime routine. She likes at least three books (always holding up one finger to ask for "one more") and then to be sung to before spontaneously giving us a smooch and pointing to get into her crib. Still in a sleepsack and still relying on the "sleep music." Our routine is going strong.
*Sharing. Still struggle with sharing her toys with friends. On Tuesday we start a Parent/Toddler Montessori class where "sharing is not advocated," so we're hoping we learn some new "turn-taking" skills.
*Climbing. She's a monkey and can climb up onto the couch, the chair in her room (where she hoards books), and up the stairs. She's learning to scooch herself down.
*Miss Independent. She's great at playing by herself and exploring the house. She likes to walk down the street by herself too. But will usually hold our hands when requested. She tries to put on her own clothes and shoes ("shoooos"). She's still a little unclear about the purpose of various articles of clothing though--she tries to put everything on like pants. Baby steps, people.
*Outside. Loves it. Wants to be out there ALL THE TIME. Even though we don't have the roof, we've got grass and a little front yard! Bubbles and sidewalk chalk on the daily.
*Dancing?Music. Still a big fan.
*Holding hands champion. She actually prefers to hold both of our hands and walk between us. Can't say we mind much.
*Helping. She puts away her toys before we leave home. She's mildly to majorly obsessed with "keys!" so she likes to "help" us lock and unlock doors. Even those that do not belong to our house or our car. She's not too picky. Oh, and folding clothes. She's a real big help.
*Reading. We're so pleased about this one. The girl loves to read. It always calms her down if she's having a moment. (We have lots of moments around here.) Anyway, books are cool. Some favorites at the moment: Goodnight Moon, Is Your Mama a Llama, Counting Kisses, My First Things That Go Book, Goodnight Chicago, Who's in the Garden, I am a Bunny, and more.
*Cleaning. She takes after me in this department...she wipes up spills, wipes her face with a napkin, and picks up random fuzzies off the floor. She also likes to put things back in their proper place (after moving them all around the house of course).
*Drama Queen. She has a super dramatic sad face and can fake cry with the best of 'em.

She'e one of us and we adore her silly little sassy self.

16-17 monthers

2011-08-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

Whoops. Kinda fell off the TATB wagon there for a bit. Life has been busy. And challenging. (Not all because of the Millster, but yeah, she's been a handful.) There's been plenty of decision-making and mind-changing and big life moments going on around here. Also, surgery, illness, and general anxiety. GOOD TIMES. No but really. We've also had a sunny summer on the roof and with friends and family and it hasn't been all sob story. Just a healthy mix.

ANYWAY. The bean is now 17 months old. That's almost a year and a half. Which is close to two. Which is blowing my mind. She is a real live kid person. And a spunky one at that. Strangers (on the street) like to inform me that she's got a lot of personality. Yeah, you THINK?! Honestly, it makes me proud. She stands out. All 2 1/2 feet tall and 20 lbs of her. (Guestimating on those stats, btw.)

She's starting to mimic more and more of what we say (guess we really need to reign in those f-bombs and s-hits). She does countless things to make me laugh each day. Examples: she gives me this look when she is disappointed in what I'm doing/asking her to do/not doing {wonder where she got THAT from}; she feeds herself {successfully and unsuccessfully--I'm learning to get over the mess}; she puts away her toys {sometimes} without even being asked; she puts on her own hats {haphazardly, which makes it all the more cute}; when she's mad she crosses her arms and holds them there {...}; she plays jokes on us/tries to startle or surprise us; she loves to play chase; she helps me do laundry; she waves bye-bye to the potty when I flush the toilet; she carries her baby everywhere; it's 7:49am and she's still sleeping; she likes cheese {extra sharp cheddar--the pricey kind}; she smiles at bigger boys; she loves the garden and picks her own {not-always-ripe} berries; she runs to the bath when I ask if she wants one; she runs to her room when I ask if she's ready to go night-night or read stories; she can point to all the animals in Brown Bear, Brown Bear; she stacks blocks and loves to read; she enjoys her alone time--playing in her room for extended periods of time by herself; she calls every moving vehicle a
"trac-terrrr;" she loves being outside, especially on the roof; she still says "cheese" when I take her picture {which is a LOT}; she loves dogs; she likes to climb up slides and slide down backwards; she fills buckets with water to drink or pour on herself; push around her baby in her {borrowed} baby stroller; etc. etc. etc.

She's also been called a bully by the gym daycare attendant. That was not fun/easy/cool to hear. She knows what she wants and she goes after it. She is not very good at sharing her toys. Not very good at all. As soon as one of her friends touches anything she immediately takes it away as if she was JUST about to play with that exact toy. It's embarrassing. But normal. I know. But it doesn't make it any easier. She's always been assertive, so I don't know why I'm surprised in the slightest. She swats our faces and yells. She pulls my hair. I have a hard time not laughing. I'm trying. She doesn't listen when I ask her to come inside from the car/garage/elevator/hallway. She finds in hilarious. She picks live flowers/pulls unripe tomatoes/peppers after she sees me deadheading/harvesting. I can't get angry at her for that. She's also getting her 4 i-teeth basically simultaneously. That's gotta hurt. The two top and one bottom have already poked through and the 4th and final one is bulging. It's going to be a happy day when the teething mission is complete.

She is my best buddy these days. We have daily adventures together. And I can't think of a cuter mini best to accompany me each day.

The Toddler Bus

2011-06-15T18:14:00.001-07:00

So, remember that time when I was all, "15 months is AWE to the SOME!" And, "Millie is the coolest kid in town!" Yeah, about that. I'm pretty sure she's been reading my blog (genius!) and wanted to prove me wrong or something because HOLY HELL this past week has been ROUGH. And yes, the CAPS are necessary. All of them.

The tantrums? They've multiplied. The shrieking? It's out of control. The rambunctiousness? The recklessness? The wildness? Yes, yes, and YES. We've got it all. She knows what she wants and she wants it RIGHT NOW. And when she doesn't get it right away she is not at all shy about sharing her, um, extreme displeasure with the world. Or the Whole Foods shoppers. Or the innocent bystanders at the park. Or on the street. Or the kids and moms at playgroup. Or, IDK, ANYONE. (Yes, that includes you.)

As I've read and heard, 15-18 months can be tough. (I can now verify that it indeed IS tough. So far.) They have so many emotions and feelings and desires and want to communicate them but they don't yet have the ability to do so. I guess I would be pissed too. I mean, I get peeved when the boy doesn't respond to my question within 2.2 seconds. I get it. (Kinda.) But whoa man, I feel like I've been hit by a bus. And actually, I kind of have. In the form of a 15-month-old rowdy ball of energy and opinions. I guess this wasn't the week to quit drinking.

Additional Stuff to Brag About

2011-06-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

After I posted yesterday I was like, OH! And she does this cool thing. And that's pretty awesome too. So I figured it best to write it down when the writing's being written. Or something.

Other Stuff That Makes Millie Cool:

She helps me get her out of the car seat (usually by switching the snack trap/toy/sippy from one hand to the other) while taking off (or putting on) the straps. Remarkably this is a huge help.
When I say, "arms up" she does as asked and therefore makes getting her dressed/undressed easier.
She cleans the floor/table/fireplace/etc with a towel/cloth/coaster/etc. Clearly she's seen me doing that a time or two (MILLION).
She waits by the door for Daddy to come home and then runs to hug him. I DIE of cute.
She drags around reusable bags and loads them with random stuff.
She waves hello and goodbye and blows kisses.
If she sees me across the room, she excitedly points at me. And then I point back at her. And it's fun.
She's handled the one-nap-transition like a champ (KNOCKS ON WOOD).
She likes to play by herself.
She hides things under seat cushions. (Hmmm...brag-worthy?)
She likes to sit on small perches.
She's climbing stairs like a big girl. And sometimes even by herself. WHAT.
She fills up buckets with water. (That's some sort of skill, right?)

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd I think that's it. (For now.)

15 months

2011-06-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

I honestly cannot believe that Amelia is 15 months old. It's just so, IDK... OLD. She's a real kid. Well, a toddler. But still. She's a tiny person with her very own likes, dislikes, desires, and dreams. And those dreams are big, I can already tell.

She does so much fun stuff these days and is honest to goodness fun to be around. I mean, I like hanging out with her. For serious! She's my little pal.

Some of the cool stuff she does:

Signs: more, please, all done, thank you, eat, banana, claps, points to get down, etc.
Talks: Mama, Dada, snack, cheese, teeth, hot, etc. (Lots of other chit-chatting going on as well but your guess is as good as mine)
Points: to her nose, mouth, teeth, eyes, ears, toes, belly button, and then those spots on others (she is obsessed with noses for some reason--so watch out!)
Nods her head (it's adorb-to-the-max)
Sleeps: 7-7 (give or take) and we're in the midst of transitioning to one nap (1-3pm)
Accessorizes: This is has been going on for months, but the girl likes her accessories and will make anything a purse, bracelet, or necklace
Eats: Since we just finished our nursing routine when she turned 15 months (TEAR), she's been drinking more milk (we're trying to transition to raw) and eating more foods. She's still what I would call a light eater, but she eats and she eats a variety. Her favorites: banana (holding the whole dang thing herself), smoothies, cheese, edamame, yogurt, blueberries, strawberries, grapes, popsicles (although she gets brain freeze and cries), frozen veggies (green beans are her fave), fresh corn, avocado (she will eat a half at lunch), oatmeal, cheerios, and couscous. I'm starting to research new recipes for her to try as she seems to get "sick" of having the same things over and over.
Animal sounds: To Millie, most animals say, "ooo, oooh." But lions and bears growl. And birds do a higher pitched "oooh, oooh."
Outside: The girl loves being outside. A lot. As soon as she wakes up in the morning (or from her nap), she finds her shoes (pink crocs are her favorite ones at the moment) and brings them to me (while loudly doing her grunt thing "EHH! EHH!"). And then she brings me my own shoes. (Thank God summer is finally here!) When I ask if she wants to go to the park, she nods her head emphatically and runs to the door. She loves to watch the kids at the park and get in the mix. She's even started going down the slide all by herself--HEAD FIRST. She likes adventuring, that's for sure. She tears around the park yelling her head off. Sometimes she falls down. But she rarely cries. She's a tough cookie, my Bunny McGee.
Kissing: The girl is a serious kissing fanatic. I LOVE IT. The kisses are closed-mouth (thankfully) and smack-dab on the lips. And her hugs! Her hugs are as tight as tight can be.
Friends: She's got a few mini bests and gets extremely excited when she sees them. She points and smiles and likes to get right up in their faces (personal space much?) And then she does this crouch head-tilt thing. It's the cutest. I love that she loves to be with people. It makes play dates and the gym daycare even more enjoyable for both of us.
Toys: Balls are becoming a big hit around here. As is any type of pull-toy. If it has a string/cord/whathaveyou, she'll be pulling it behind her. She spent a lot of time pushing Lola's baby doll around in a stroller, so I'm thinking she might need one of her own.
Books: She is really getting into books lately (woohoo!) and loves to be read to. She'll grab some books from the bin and then back into your lap. Darlingness. Speaking of, she loves to walk backwards. Also, the sidestep. Guess she needed a challenge? Who knows.
Other stuff she loves: playing with daddy, riding the elevator and pressing the alarm button, talking on the phone, smelling flowers (real or just images), pointing at birds, planes, and other sky noises, taking pictures with her toy camera (while saying "chheeeeeeese"), bubbles, coloring (slash eating crayons), singing, dancing, patting backs, exploring, playing with tea bags, opening and closing containers, guzzling water, carrying around her snack trap, being chased, jumping on the couch, reading books in her crib, slapping her crib, being naked, doing the itsy-bitsy-spider (and even some of the hand motions) and oh so much more.
Fits: Lest you think we live in some perfect toddler bubble, we don't. The fits, they've begun. I usually just let her get it out of her system and move on. It's mostly frustrating because I don't always know what she wants/needs. And sometimes even when I do, I don't just want to give in...and this is just the beginning. Oh, and there is a LOT of crying when something is taken away. AlotAlot. It isn't pretty. BUT! It's normal. So we got that going fo us. WHEW!

She is such a trip. I can't imagine my life without her. She makes me laugh every single day. I am so very thankful for my sweet, charming, silly, affectionate, head-strong 15 month old buddy.

14er

2011-05-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

14 months is a fun amount of months. There's running, there's laughing, there's sleeping (still through the night), there's napping (still two), there's eating off our plates (when she feels like it), there's feeding herself with spoons/forks, there's sign language (she's added "please" and thank you" to her repertoire), there are a couple of new words (most notably "nack" for snack), there's clapping, there's funny-face-making, there's lots of hugs and kisses, there's head-shaking and nodding, there's accessorizing, there's snuggling, there's swinging, there's sliding, there's reading, there's pointing, there's playing chase, there's pretending, there's dancing, there's snack-eating, there's identifying body parts (on herself and us), there's taking things out (of drawers, cabinets, bins) and putting things away (and shockingly usually where they belong), there's helping me get her dressed and undressed, there's picking of outfits, there's phone talking, there's lots of interesting (gibberish-filled) conversations, there's silly-goofing, there's back-patting, there's leg-hugging, there's delight, there's helping daddy with projects, there's outings with friends, there's baths, there's getting down off the couch by herself, there's stair-climbing, there's taking the time to smell the flowers. And above all, there's lots and lots of love.

There's also fit-throwing (especially when something is taken away), mouth pulling (more teeth are on the horizon), face "hitting," limit-testing, food-throwing, screeching during diaper changes, object-banging, yelling, paper-tearing, toy-stealing, technological-obsessing, among other non-desirables.

But, holy wow, I love her so.

13 monthers

2011-04-08T13:48:00.001-07:00

Dear Little,

You are now 13 months old (and some change). You are a walking pro. In fact, you almost run. You certainly still fall down, but you usually get right back up all by yourself. You love accessories. Really, really love a lot. Necklaces, bracelets, headbands, purses, etc. You even use other clothes as makeshift necklaces and headbands. You carry objects around the house and put them in random places. You open and close drawers and cabinets, inspecting them and removing whatever you believe doesn't belong. Nothing is safe from your little hands anymore. Especially things on the edge of tables. Your reach up on your tippy-toes to grab and investigate. You are a very busy and curious girl.

The other day I took you to the story time at our local library. Instead of sitting on my lap and listening to the stories and songs like the other children, you bopped around the room doing your own thing. Often you'd carry a book to another family and plop down next to them, insisting they read to you. Other times you'd put your hand on someone's shoulder and peek around and stare into their eyes. Or sit way too close. Like on their leg. Apparently you are not shy.

You'll wave hello and goodbye when I ask and I love it. People love it too. You also blow kisses and give sweet kisses on the lips as well. No more big sloppy, open-mouthed kisses. You are a lady--a tight-lipped little lady. You give great hugs too. Tight ones. And you like to pat our backs as we hold you. When we get up from naps or in the morning you hug us close and rest your head on our shoulders. I'm pretty sure this is why daddy leaves for work later than ever before. He likes to get you in the morning. (I don't blame him.)

Eating is still our biggest "issue" with you. You are one particular little person. One days favorite food is the most despised the next. Some stuff you will usually eat no problem include: yogurt with preserves, frozen veggies, avocado, banana, clementines, raisins (especially yogurt covered ones), smoothie, mini whole wheat waffles, edamame, scrambled eggs, and some others. You used to LOVE oatmeal and banana and eat it without fail every morning but lately you are SO over that. That must only be for babies and you're a big girl now. TEAR. Just kidding. I love that you are growing up but I kinda hate it too. You're still nursing four times a day but I'm hoping to start to wean you off a few of those. I'm torn. I love that special time with you, but I'd also like some time to "myself" before we even consider giving you a brother or sister. What a great big sissy you'll be. (You have recently started carrying around your baby doll that Bebe got you and go and get her when I ask where your baby is.)

One of our closest friends just had a precious baby boy the other day and I held him last night and almost cried. I can't believe that you were ever that tiny. And you were! And now. Well, now you're walking and talking and feeding yourself (if you want to), and have SO much personality it most definitely could not be contained in a teeny weeny baby body. Don't get me wrong, you're still pretty teeny for a person. But there is just so much going on inside your head and inside your body and I adore watching you figure things out. You're smart. Very smart.

Oh! And you love to dance. I mean, LOVE to dance. You even dance to the blender. Seriously. You wave your hands in the air and shake your booty and even started this new feet shuffle move. I die of cuteness. You also do this sing/hum thing whenever I start to sing and sometimes out of nowhere. Please don't ever stop singing and dancing.

You still mostly say dada and mama but also started saying hot which sounds like "haaaa?" It's always a question. (IDK.) You also say OH! And UH! (For uh-oh.) You say "nigh nigh" and wave goodnight to daddy. You point and say what I take to be "this?" As if you're asking what (everything) is...I happily oblige. You shake your head vigorously when you don't want something or when I tell you no. You sign milk, eat, night

You carry around your sippy cups (one of milk, which thankfully you like, and one of water) in one hand. Double-fisting in your own special way. You love to be chased and still love peek-a-boo. You are very good at playing independently for the most part. Unless I'm on the computer. You hate when I'm on the computer and whine at my feet until I pick you up so that you can pound on the keys.

Speaking of whining...you're a whiner, I'm sorry to admit. You whine when you don't get your way or when I take something away from you. Especially my phone. You are obsessed with my phone and walk around the house just chatting away. You love to get into the recycling. And the tupperware drawer still. You bang things together in your one-lady-band. You love to push buttons in elevators and still love pushing buttons on remotes. If we let you, you turn up the music unbearably loud and cry because it is too loud. Or you'll just flip through each radio station at lightening fast speed. Apparently those are your favorite buttons to push.

You like to help daddy work on projects. You want to be where the action is. IN the action. You're starting to help me get you dressed or undressed and even strapped into the car seat. So thanks for that.

You're a good errand runner and don't mind riding with me in the car as long as you've got your drinks and snacks. You love snacks. You also love to shake your snack trap like it's a tambourine and inevitably toss snacks all around the car. So, yeah. That's awesome.

You're my most favorite little buddy there ever was.

Love,
Mama

twelve equals one

2011-03-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

Twelve whole months old.

This was quite an exciting month for the bean. She spent most of it a foreign country and hanging in Caribbean. Lucky little.

She started communicating (mostly via sign language), traveled by bus (and plane and van and cab), started solo standing, swam in the sea, played in the sand, ate sand, ate fresh fruit, was loved, wore flip flops (hated it), wore nothing, made friends, went to bars, slept on the beach, saw monkeys, danced (a lot), sang (slash hummed), nursed in the sea (and on the beach and in bars, airplanes, buses, cars, and every other place you can imagine), played cards, cried, chewed on dominoes, took morning walks to the beach, chilled in hammocks, helped daddy work, floated, explored, experienced life and lived.

Happy month Amelia Lee. I hope you had as much fun adventuring as we did.

The First Year

2011-03-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

Amelia's First Year from Annie Nihls on Vimeo.

Dearest Amelia,

I am infinitely proud to be your mama.

Mountains of love and kisses forever and for always and more.

One.

2011-03-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

Happiest of first birthday wishes to our darling Amelia Lee.

{Full update on all of her adventures to come...}

11 months old

2011-02-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

Today Amelia is 11 months old. Weepy slash joyful mama over here.

This past month was pretty major:
*She rang in a brand new year for the very first time (albeit fast asleep)

*She started feeding herself with a spoon
*She now pats US on the back
*She started standing unassisted (not pictured...)

*She got her 8th tooth

*She mastered pushing things around the house and walking behind them {like her push cart, trash cans, baskets, sewing machine case, boxes, etc.}

*She started to actually sort shapes with the shape sorter

*She developed an interesting obsession with her socks
*She waves (especially when anyone puts on a coat)

*She consistently put herself to sleep at night (sometimes after playing in the crib for a WHILE)
*She started sleeping 7-7 (yip!)

*She had her first tubby date with a boy

*She got her first passport

*She developed her first crush on an older boy (and a DIFFERENT one from the tub date--she's keeping her options open)

*She took her first steps (!) (not yet captured on film)

*She started really playing with her friends

*She had her first snow day (Blizzard of 2011)

*She said her own version of Jack (the puppy I sleep with WHAT OF IT) in a sweet little whisper. DAH-DAH is still going strong and MUMMA when she's upset (along with plenty of other indecipherables).

She is wild and wonderful and hilarious and mischievous and brave and stubborn and silly and serious and curious and crazy and quite definitely has a mind of her own. And we love that little mind (and that little body) to infinity and back again.

Double-Digi's

2011-01-03T15:07:00.000-08:00

Welp, Amelia is officially ten months old. TEN months. The beginning of the pre-teen months. For a baby, that seems real old, right? She is dangerously close to one whole YEAR. (Although apparently we still count in months. Keep up.) That also means that toddlerhood is right around the corner. How has this happened? IDK but this age is truly so much fun (and so funny)(and occasionally so frustrating)!

Favorite food: Banana (and frozen veggies) (also: things she can feed herself)
Favorite drink: mama's milk (still going strong ~5x/day)
Favorite music: Reggae
Favorite toy: Stackable wooden rings
Favorite toy that's not actually a toy: Remote controls, iPhones
Favorite book: I'm a Bunny
Favorite facial expression: scrunched-up nose smile (I keep telling her to be careful not to smile her face off.)
Favorite thing to do: MOVE (crawl, climb, stand, pulling up, etc.) (usually with a toy in her mouth)
Favorite noise to make: YAHYAHYAHYAH (2nd place: DAH-DEE) (honorable mention: mumma)
Favorite Christmas gift: the farm
Favorite new skills: waving, dancing/bouncing, shaking her head, clapping
Favorite toy in bath: the ever classic rubber ducky
Favorite thing to do in the kitchen: destroy the ever classic tupperware drawer (unfortunately most of our tupperware is glass...) OR go after the bottle of beer or wine that are so smartly being stored on the floor
Favorite thing to do in the car: eat snacks (and play with her very own set of keys) (oh, and pull off her shoes & socks)
Favorite seated position: Indian-style
Favorite thing to do when getting up from naps: hugs (aka: my favorite thing)
Favorite friends: Lola, Bowen, Willie (my parents dog), Daddy
Favorite thing to smile at: Babies!
Favorite time to go to bed: 7pm
Favorite time to wake up: 6:45am (usually...)
Favorite evening activity: bath
Favorite place to visit (so far): Bebe&Pop's home in the woods
Favorite game: peek-a-boo
Favorite person to look at: herself

Mostly, she likes a lot of stuff. So that's nice. There are plenty of non-favorites too though, so don't be fooled. The least favorites include: getting her diaper changed, getting dressed, getting something taken away, growing a tooth that appears to be DRAGGING it's (teeth)feet, sitting in the car for too long, getting her face and hands wiped, not being held when all she wants to do is be held, etc. and she certainly let's us know her preferences (especially with a vigorous head-shake) but we're a pretty well-rested, happy bunch over here these days. (*knock on wood*)

3/4 Year Photos (A Whole Lotta Mills)

2010-12-20T18:44:00.000-08:00

NINER (and a half...)

2010-12-20T08:49:00.000-08:00

(family photos by Tara Vorhes)

So, yeah. I'm a little late on this monthly post. It's been a busy December! For some reason I decided it would be a good idea to make all of our Christmas gifts this year. Genius with an almost-toddler for a daughter. Especially since she likes me to be paying attention to her. At ALL times. (Except for when she wants to chew on her favorite toys: cords.)

ANYWAY. Miss Mills is now 9+months and is growing and changing and learning and discovering and interacting and talking and moving (and getting frustrated) and being delighted by the world around her. She has alllllll sorts of fun tricks these days and we are so enjoying her.

Words: She doesn't "talk" so much as she jibber jabbers. A lot. But some sounds she makes include: mumma, daaaaaaa, baaaaaah, hi, yaaaaaaaaa, lkdakojoidhifaaaaa, etc.
Likes: bath time, cords, her red balloon, blocks, pulling herself up on anything possible, when we make animal sounds, looking at pictures of herself, remotes, making noise, dancing!, crawling on everything--she's FAST, being held , banging on the computer, chewing on things, playing with anything she's not supposed to, banging on things, the dustbuster, plants (eating dirt), and um, a bunch of other stuff. She's pretty awesome like that.
Dislikes: being strapped into the car seat (but once we start moving she's usually fine), getting her diaper changed, getting dressed, waking up from naps, having something taken away from her (she laughs if/when I say "no"...HILAR), not being fed immediately after getting out of the bath/not being fed immediately when she wants to eat, and some other things I'm sure.
Sleep: She sleeps! She usually naps about an 1hr15min-1hr30min in the morning and again in the afternoon. I appreciate the consistency. She's still sleeping through the night, but was waking up pret-ty early for a while. She now sleeps anywhere between 6:30-7pm to 6-6:30am. We sometimes hear her cry out around 5ish but she goes back to sleep, thankfully! Of course there are variations to this, but Brad continues to remind me that she's not a robot. I guess he's right. She's a munchkin!
Eating: She's been eating "human" food for the past couple of months and she keeps me guessing. She very much prefers to feed herself (shocker!) so I am trying to figure out different things for her to try. She is still a big snacker and would eat puffs and baby mum-mums all day if I let her. She still loves her oatmeal and banana and adores being able to feed herself banana. She likes to chew on apples in the mesh feeder. She drinks water out of her sippy cup. She loves to share my smoothie in the morning. I've given her little chunks of all sorts of other stuff (i.e. cheese, turkey, pasta, frozen veggies, cooked veggies, clementines, etc.) but she usually ends up spitting it back out. But she does a great job at getting it in there! I keep reminding myself it's just practice. She still nurses 5 times a day, which is fine by me. Sometimes she even lets me listen to music or talk to Brad while she eats--big development for us.
Playing: Millie loves to play. We have an ottoman in our living room that holds all of her toys. She likes to stand at the edge and pull random things out (and fling them around the room). She lets me get through a whole book without ripping it out of my hands and sometimes more than one book at a time. She is starting to dance (or, rather bounce) whenever she hears music. Adorableness. She loves to play peek-a-boo. A lot. She even plays it by herself. She's starting to clap and also wave--exciting!
Moving: She is always on the move. For sure. She crawls everywhere she can and loves to explore our condo and will undoubtedly find something to play with that she shouldn't. Typical. When I don't hear her, I'll call out her name and she will crawl back in view and flash me a toothy (albeit mischievous) grin. She's just so flipping curious! She has stood unassisted a few times, but just for a few seconds.
Social: Amelia's got quite the social life. We go to a music class once a week and Mom's group another day. She crawls all over the other babes and usually steals their toys. She's got a few other best baby friends and gets so excited when we see them. She's also got some buddies at the gym daycare and some days doesn't even seem like she cares when I return to pick her up! She is still pretty reserved when we're out and about and doesn't just hand out cute smiles to anyone--but when she does it's so special.

We are all looking forward to sharing her very first Christmas with her! Joyful holidays!!

A Weekend Away

2010-11-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was a momentous occasion (why can I never correctly spell occasion on the first try?) for me. It was the first time I was away from the baby over night. And it turned into TWO whole nights away. It was marvelous but I missed her sweet face every minute. Or almost every minute (ahem).

We dropped her off with my parents with her schedule (they asked!) and a list of some "helpful hints." Oh, and a shitload of milk. And a bunch of other stuff. Those babies sure don't pack light. (Oh, and she slept through the entire night both nights like the good grandbaby she is!)

We stayed at the B&B where we stayed the weekend of our wedding. Back then we had filled it to the brim with our favorite peeps and partied our asses off. While we had the same room, it was quite different this time around.

The skies were sunny and the air crisp--just like our wedding day. We drank cocktails saddled up at the bar and stayed up past our bedtime. We took pictures of the sunrise and then lazed around all morning, drinking coffee in bed. We ate lunch at the bar, drank bloodies, and watched football. (And Michigan won, finally!) We walked the streets and dipped into cute shops and galleries. We made a list of our goals on a cocktail napkin. We had dinner at Everyday People where our rehearsal dinner was held. Just the two of us.

To be honest, we talked about our little miss a lot. But we also talked about other stuff. Important stuff. Where's-our-life-headed type of stuff. And it felt great. And strange. And wonderful. And we reminisced. And we made plans for our future on a cocktail napkin.

We walked to brunch early the next morning, but all I really wanted to do was to go snuggle our girl. She is the biggest part of my life right now. And that's okay. And that's grand. And I love my little family more than I ever imagined.

p.s. A HUGE thank you to my wonderfully supportive and generous parents who watched Amelia for us. You're the coolest. ily

p.p.s. When we met them at our favorite coffee shop to drop off the carrier and some more milk, little miss thing acted as if she didn't even know me! I was surprisingly sad about it. But it showed me just how much she loves and trusts Bebe & Pop, so I really can't be too upset about that!

Crazy Eights

2010-11-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

Today is Amelia's 8-month birthday. If we were to throw her a special party for the occasion, we'd give her 8 of her current favorite things:

1. Keys: The real metal ones. No plastic "baby" keys for this lady. She wants the real deal. And will throw a bit of a fit when I take them away in order to, you know, do something crazy like start the car or something.

2. Remote controls: If it has little buttons and she's not supposed to play with it, then she wants it. And she isn't as easily thrown off with a little hiding behind the pillow maneuver.

3. Buttons/Snaps/Zippers: She wants to eat them all right up.

4. Cords: Obsessed.

5. Straps: Luckily this comes in rather handy as she likes the strap on her carrier as well as the strap on her car seat. This gives me an additional 5-10 minutes of go-time.

6. Puffs/Rice crackers: My saving grace in the car when she's overtired (or just plain sick of being in the car) and I've (once again) pushed her past her limits. Bad mama. But these little snacks melt in her mouth and therefore delay the meltdown on the way home.

7. Mirrors: She is the only person that can undoubtedly make herself laugh and giggle and smile no matter what. She loves herself, what can I say.

8. Anything about 2 feet tall: She is pulling herself up on anything she possibly can these days (fireplace, ottoman, tv stand, chairs, bathtub, etc.). And sometimes nothing at all...which results in a funny downward dog action. It's actually quite impressive. (Also, dangerous. She had her first mobility-related-injury last week as she came crashing down on the corner of our molding. Scary.)

Sunset on the roof:

Proper crawling:

First attempt at Cheerios:

One favorite toy: lens cap

Just a cool little lady:

Nightly tubbies (her other favorite bath toy is a plastic cap) :

Pulling herself up for the first time:

Chewing up her crib (she's got 5 teeth!):

First time on Mullett Lake:

Hanging with Uncle Matthew:

Big swinger:

Happy 8 months to my sweetness, my bunny mcgee, my monkey, my millie bean, my amelia lee, my munchkin, my babe, my little, my lovie.

p.s. She's a chatty bean these days. Sometimes it sounds like she's saying Brad, but comes out more like "Bwad." Also, she can say "MA-MA-MA" (but I'm not sure she relates it to me yet) and "BAH-BAH" and "WA-WA." Among other incomprehensible sounds. It's the cutest.
p.p.s. I almost don't want to type this for fear of jinxing it, but she's been sleeping solidly for the past week and I haven't gone into her room once before 6am for the past almost 2 weeks. (Brad's gone, but not recently.) She will wake up and fuss a bit in the night and maybe cry out, but she settles herself back to sleep within 5-10 minutes. Usually. She's napping twice a day pretty consistently for about 75-90+ minutes. LOVE. Sometimes she needs the 3rd nap, but not usually.
p.p.p.s. She throws her arms up when she wants to picked up. I die.
p.p.p.p.s. She laughs and smiles and loves to be tickled.
p.p.p.p.p.s. She is starting to really get the hang of this eating thing. She adores her puffs and MUM-MUMS, just like her carb-loving mama. So far she's had: avocado, banana, oatmeal, butternut squash, carrots, pears, sweet potato and cinnamon, and a bit of my apple. So fun!

Halloweenie!

2010-11-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

Amelia's first Halloween.

She was a Busy Busy Bumble Bee. She is a very busy girl--always getting into something.

She love love loves to stand. (She also love love loves her daddy.)

She's a curious little rascal that Millie Bean. ("Um, what is this?")

She puts anything and everything into her mouth these days. (Well, except for some of the purees I've made her. She'd prefer to just eat dust bunnies or rug lint or hay or grass.)

On Sunday we went to a Halloween Brunch with our Moms group. There is something so incredibly funny about little people dressed up. They're just so cute! And little! Almost every baby was an animal of some sort.

After that we went to Millie's best friend's house for an early (baby-bedtime-appropriate) dinner. YUM.

Happy Halloween!

BOO!

Happy Two Years

2010-10-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

ilytm

Seven Months

2010-10-03T06:34:00.000-07:00

Happy 7 to my darling (not-so-babyish) baby girl. She's a mover and a shaker and a funny-noise-maker. She's got a basket of toys she plays with, but she'd much prefer to chew on a cord, my phone, or your shoe. She burps loudly and toots often. She's ceased with the growling and started with the screeching and squealing. She's outgrowing clothes before she even wears them. Oh yeah, and she sits up and crawls (mostly army-style) like a champ. Baby-proofing, anyone? We need to get on that. She eats oatmeal once a day but still much prefers the boob. She pulls hair and noses and earrings and laughs when I plead with her to be gentle. She licks the floor. She loves long walks until she gets hungry then we best be close to home. She's learning to drum the wooden spoon on mixing bowls. Her hair is growing. Slowly. Her new nickname is monkey. But bunny is still a top-contender. She has FOUR teeth and more seem to be on the way. Her sleeping is still pretty unpredictable, but I'm getting better at rolling with it. She loves the beach, especially the gulf. Well, mostly she wants to eat the sand. FINE. She smiles and laughs when we see a dog. I know that she'll have a doggie of her own in the future. She loves to be held upside down. LOVES. She laughs her head off at peak-a-boo. She loves to ride around on Daddy's shoulders (even though mama doesn't always love it). She's a sweetheart. Our sweetheart. And man is she growing up fast.

Halfsies

2010-09-09T12:38:00.001-07:00

So Miss Amelia Lee is officially six months old. I can barely believe it. She's a wild little lady, that's for sure.

She is--by far-- the most active baby I've ever met. She literally never stops moving and even tosses and turns (and practices crawling!) in her sleep. She's in constant motion. She loves to stand and bounce and turn around and around. She's sitting up like a champ and has started lunging forward onto her knees and then pulls herself to where she wants to go/what she wants to get. I honestly have no idea what's going to happen when she can officially crawl. She grabs at anything and everything within reach and most likely puts it into her mouth. I imagine her inner monologue goes something like this, "Oooooh! What's that?! Give it to me! Oooh shiny! Put it in my mouth! Hmm, something over there moved--give it! Oh! Oh! What's that over there?! I can do it MYSELF! What's that noise? Is that mine? Yes it is!" You get the gist.

She's a smiler--but only on her terms (but thankfully she likes to smile almost as much as we like to see it). She is definitely starting to recognize people (other than mama and daddy) which is super fun. She loves to be outside and has from the very beginning--it's a foolproof way to calm her. She likes to have her head stroked and her back rubbed when she's tired. When I'm nursing her she insists on holding onto one of my fingers in each hand (which limits my iPhone usage). When she stares up at me and smiles (with my nipple between her gums and teeth--ouch) my heart practically bursts. Speaking of teeth, she's got two. And they are big! I think the top ones have started their descent as she seems to be bothered by them on occasion. Oh, and she's bitten me more than once and it is NOT cool. It seems to have happened when her teeth are bothering her, so I can only hope that she learns not to bite before her top teeth actually come in. (OH I HOPE.)

To celebrate the beginning of her 6th month of life, we fed her avocado. I would say she tolerated it, at best. Since then she's also tried banana. It's a work in progress. She also started using a sippy cup which makes her seem like such a big girl! She mostly just chews on it though. She loves to drink out of my water glass, but I'm trying to resist the temptation to let her do that or I'll never have my own drink again. Actually, her absolute most favorite toy is my water bottle. So, yeah. So much for that.

Sleeping continues to be our biggest struggle. Mostly because I often have a difficult time getting back to sleep once she's awoken me, so basically it's something I need to work on. For the last couple of months she typically wakes up 1-3 times a night. Those 3'ers are BRUTAL but luckily they are few and far between. She burrows into my neck when she's tired and clutches onto my shirt like a little monkey. Naps are also all over the place. She usually takes three naps (~9am, ~12pm, and ~4pm) but how long they will last are anybody's guess. However, if I make plans that you can pretty much guarantee that she will be out for 2+hours. I wish I could somehow trick her into doing this on "regular" days. She likes to keep me on my toes, that little one. She's been taking a bottle like a pro for months now, which I appreciate greatly since it gives me some needed freedom. Mostly she goes to sleep without much of a fuss. I have found that she'll eat the most when she's tired, so I feed her right before bed. Sometimes she'll fall asleep in my arms and sometimes she falls asleep on her own in the crib after rolling around and complaining a bit.

She's growing more and more interested in toys and her favorites are Sophie, wooden blocks, jingle ball, her wooden rings, and Clementine. She also loves her bunnies who sleep in her crib with her. She wakes up and plays with them for 30-45 minutes until she lets me know she wants me to come and get her. She usually plays in her crib after each nap as well, so I know she likes her alone time (don't we all). My favorite thing is to go get her from naps (when it's been a sufficient amount of time, that is). She is SO thrilled to see me and kicks her legs and flails her arms about with a huge grin on her face. Sometimes I just want to squeeze her pants off.

She LOVES to roughhouse and giggles up a storm when we toss her around and hang her upside down or let her ride on our shoulders. Her daddy can make her laugh like no other (sometimes to the point of spitting up) . I keep trying to catch it on video but she's camera-shy.

She's a curious little creature and really wants to know everything about this big world of ours. I can leave her to play on the floor by herself for a while in her room but sometimes she calls out for me to come and play too. She mostly likes to chew on books, but sometimes she'll let me read the whole way through. She loves to look at herself in the mirror--oh so vain.

She's the most incredible person I've ever known and I'm so happy she's ours.

tiny piles

2010-08-04T17:12:00.000-07:00

I took some pictures after folding Miss Millie's laundry yesterday. I actually LIKE folding her laundry. And putting it into little piles. And marveling at the fact that her little body fits into those little clothes. I'm in love with my baby. There. I said it. KTHXBAI.

FIVER

2010-08-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

Bunny McGee turned 5 months old today. Five whole months. She celebrated by taking two long naps and letting me get some work done. She's a real doll, that Amelia Lee. For some reason when I talk to/about her I must use two names. It's just the way it is and has to be. Deal with it Millie Bean!

I think this past month has been my most favorite thus far. She's SO fun! She's a mover and a shaker but she also seems to be able to just sit back and chill sometimes, which is pretty much our lifestyle so that's nice. She's silly and serious and curious and observant and oh so much more. While she seems overly interested in what we put in our mouths (grabby mcgrabberson), we're holding off to start solids until the six month mark (although I have to admit, I'm getting anxious to begin--I'm excited!).

She's a squirmy wormy and much prefers standing to sitting. She's barrel-rolling and prefers to lie under the coffee table and gnaw on its legs. She chirps and sings and screeches and squawks and squeaks and it's honestly music to my ears. She's a starer too, which I'll eventually have to inform her isn't too polite. But for now, she's learning. She's taking it all in. She's smart. She knows what she wants and she tells us. But she's shy. And she's coy. And she's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

She's sleeping SO much better and it makes my life so much easier. She still wakes up once a night, usually around 4am and then goes back down for another 2-3 hours. I can deal with that. I mean, don't get me wrong, it will be a delight when she starts the 7-7 stretches, but for now I'm content and pleased with her sleep routine and just want what is best for her. If she wants to eat, I want to feed her. She usually takes 3 naps a day (one morning, one early afternoon, and a short blip nappy to make it to bedtime) that range from 45min-2hours. So that's that for now.

We got a surprise a couple weeks ago when a small white line popped through her bottom gum line--a TOOTH! And let me tell you, her favorite teething toys (our fingers) are no longer a good option--that thing is sharp! She seems to be managing the pain fairly well, but I've been using some homeopathic remedies when she seems particularly bothered and fussy and they seem to be effective and help soothe those gums.

Oh! Another big change...we had to drop the swaddle cold turkey one day because she was rolling around her crib like a maniac. It did affect her sleep for a couple of nights but now we're back. I was pretty worried about the whole thing...for no reason apparently (shocker). Now it's the cutest thing to watch her sleep with her arms outstretched. Speaking of watching her sleep, we basically stalk her via video monitor. I mean, I'm obsessed with that thing. It's so fun to see her wiggle and flip and turn and settle herself back to sleep. I also realized how often she'll wake up and play around in her crib without making a sound when I previously assumed she was sleeping. It's so nice that she likes it in there so I can just let her play and entertain herself for a while until she lets me know she wants out. Getting her up from a nap or in the morning is probably one of my favorite times. She gets SO excited and grins the biggest grin and kicks her feet and her whole body bounces. I pretty much feel that same way.

She's growing up right before our eyes and we couldn't be more proud. She's our lovey love and our munch (munchkin) and our baby girl babe and we love her so. Happy fiver monkey buns!

Four Months

2010-07-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

Amelia turned 4 months last week on the 3rd of July, which happened to be the exact date that we found out about our little bean, one year ago. What a year it's been.

Some of her favorite things these days include:
- standing
- sitting in her bumbo
- sucking/gnawing on her hands, your hands, your shoulder, her toes, etc.
- going for walks in the bjorn
- staring at herself in the mirror
- smiling, a big 'ol gummy smiles
- kick kick kicking in the bath (and therefore splash splash splashing all over the place)
- "talking" to her "friends"
- waking up from naps
- making us laugh
- observing the world around her
- helping mama water the plants and flowers on the roof

Um, and some other stuff.

The other big thing is that we've been working on getting her into a better (for us) sleeping routine. We're excited by her progress and hopeful for even more improvements. My dear husband has been sacrificing his rest and sleeping in her room (we're transitioning her into her crib) to feed her bottles at night. This strategy will hopefully get her to drop a night-feeding (or two) and teach her that it's fun to sleep at night! No warm, snuggly boobs to enjoy...until morning (ish). I don't expect her to sleep all the way through the night yet especially because I really do think she's hungry and she's still such a peanut that I want her to be getting all the food and nutrients she wants/needs. But hopefully she'll start to during the DAY! We went through a spell of waking every 2 hours or so when she was right next to me and that was just too much so we had to try something. I've been getting an almost full-nights sleep for the last few days and let me tell you, it is MARVELOUS. Probably the best gift ever.

She's such a joy to be around and I couldn't ask for a happier baby. She's smiling and laughing and cooing and it's so much fun to experience her delight. OH! And on her 4 month birthday (spent in Northern Michigan) she said MAMA!! I mean, I know she didn't really know what she was saying, but STILL! I die of pride.

happy fathers day, daddy

2010-06-21T08:38:00.001-07:00

dear daddy,

i love you to infinity and beyond and back again. especially when you tickle my chin and even when you scratch my cheek when you give me a big scruffy kiss. thank you for being you.

love,amelia lee millie bean munchkin mini don

Sadcakes

2010-06-11T06:54:00.001-07:00

Well, it's happened. Miss Millie has her very first cold. Sadcakes McGee are we. She's sneezing a ton and her little nose is red and running and she even has a bit of a cough. Ugh times a trillion. None of us are getting much sleep because little miss keeps waking up coughing or because she can't breathe through her nose or maybe just because she feels like yuck and wants some love.

Of course I feel guilty because I'm assuming that she caught the little bug from the gym daycare. The one thing that I do for me and only me. Part of me wants to see the bright side: she's building up her immune system so she can ward off other illnesses. And I know that's true, but right now I just want to snuggle my runny-nosed lady and make everything better.

3 months

2010-06-03T14:43:00.000-07:00

So, our baby girl is 3 months old. She teaches me something new each and every day and I'm certain these lessons will continue. She loves to blow bubbles while she squirms about on her playmat. She'll kick and swat and grasp onto the rings that dangle above her head and I'm continually amazed by her strength and determination. She'll coo and cluck and grunt and squawk at the animals as well. She loves to be naked and squeals with delight as I change her clothes or diaper. She's been fighting some diaper rash (that we had yet to experience) so I've initiated the "bare bottom baby" mission in an attempt to combat it. She's a big fan. (I mistakenly thought that the cloth diaper route would not lead to the dreaded diaper rash...drats.)

After several successful feedings, she is resisting the bottle. Not so fun for her Daddy who comes home from work and has to deal with a stubborn little miss. Not so fun for her worrying Mama either since my consulting job starts in two weeks and I'm forced to be away for 8-9 hours three days in a row. She's a strong-willed wee little one, that is for sure. I think we all know who is the victor in the battle of baby vs. parent, but we will not cave.

She's got amazing head control and has since she was 9 weeks old, a talent seemingly well-sought after by other parents. Who knew! She adores the "facing-out" position in the bjorn (particularly while Daddy is cooking). She loves to be outdoors and take walks and even just stand out on our balcony and watch the world move around us. She's observant and curious and super duper smart. She can basically sit up so we're going to get her a bumbo seat so that she can just chill slash strengthen her core muscles (I need one in adult size for the same reason). She has also mastered standing--quite an impressive feat. She stands in the bath, on our laps, and on the table or counter.

Her new best friend is a giraffe named Sophie and she loves to squeeze her neck tight and nibble on her toes. Everything seems to go into her mouth these days, which has me wondering if her teeth are starting to develop underneath those darling gummies. She laughs and smiles and giggles and she occasionally gets into laughing fits where she laughs then I laugh then repeat. Those are the best.

Her sleep is nothing short of unpredictable. Way back (all of 2 months ago) I had this idea in my head that by 3 months she would be sleeping consistently through the night or something insanely ridiculous like that. Wow was I wrong. I can honestly say that she was sleeping much better a month ago. So there's that. These days she might sleep 8 hours one night and then the next night be back to waking every 3 hours. Our routine is the same, so your guess is as good as mine. And mine is pretty worthless. Oh the ever-coveted sleep.

We started an infant massage class last week so we've been integrating that into her bedtime routine. Fingers crossed that it's supposed benefits of longer, deeper sleep and better digestion ring true for our little lady.

I love her from the deep-down-depths of my heart to infinity.

Millie's Room

2010-05-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of Miss Millie's room. It's my favorite...and I hope it will be hers as well. It was so fun for me to create this space for her--her very first room. We put a lot of "homemade" touches in the room to make it feel like that...home.

Some details (to help me remember):
*the day before she was born I made the garland from scraps of fabric
*my mom made the slip cover for the glider and I made the bumpers and crib skirt
*the little peter pan rattle came from her cousins
*the mirror was her great-grandparents
*the three circular pieces of art were created just for her by her three cousins as Christmas gifts when she was still in my tum
*the Ann Arbor map that hangs above her changing table is from the family cottage (RIP)
*the felt mobile was a gift from Bebe & Pop (my parents) to bean for this past Christmas and was made by a family friend's 12 year old daughter
*the monkey are clementine and penelope (one is mine, one is the bests...can you guess which is which?)
*silver baby cup a gift from the great-grands with Amelia's initials
*sunshine print made with love by best
*framed picture of my as a babe with my parents--the first gift the boy gave to me on our first Christmas together
*framed CTA (Chicago Transit Association) map--most important of all seeing as that's how the boy and I met (on the purple line express!)

p.s. I am posting much more frequently over at clementines and monkeys, for those that are interested in seeing miss millie bean on a more regular basis and who isn't!?

Double Digit Week

2010-05-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

Miss Amelia Lee is now 10 weeks old. TEN. She's really changing so much and it's such a joy to watch her grow and see her learn. I can only imagine what the next 20 years will hold. Uhh, let's not even..

Some things she likes:
-facing OUT while being held...prob so she can explore the world with those big eyes she's got
-staring at daddy
-being tickled under her chin
-watching tv (oops!)
-stretching
-riding around in the baby bjorn with daddy
-chilling on the roof
-taking walks
-lying on her changing table
-batting at the toys on her playmat

And honestly, I can't think of too many things she doesn't like all the time. I mean, there are definitely things she doesn't like some of the time, but holy hell maybe this child isn't as particular as I thought! Wouldn't that be a miracle. Sometimes she doesn't like the car, sometimes she doesn't want to just be put down, sometimes she won't nurse in public, sometimes she is grumpy when she's gassy (but who isn't!?), sometimes she fusses when she's tired, sometimes I have no idea what's up with her. But mostly, she is just the sweetest little millie bean there ever was.

In other news, I've created two email accounts for her. Because clearly that's a necessity. She can be reached at milliebean10 at gmail dot com. Just in case you need something.

PICTURES!

two months old

2010-05-03T12:27:00.001-07:00

Dearest Millie Bean,

Today you are two months old and are as sweet as can be (when you want to be, of course). You are smiling at us all the time and starting to giggle, especially when we tickle your toes or under your chin or poke your cheeks with your own hands or talk in silly voices. It's my greatest accomplishment so far--making you laugh.

You started to develop your own little sleep/eat/play routine (which included sleeping for 6-8 hours straight!) and your daddy and I were really getting used to it...and then we went and messed up your naps and therefore your night-time routine. I guess that's what we get for trying to have a life! But you're still our little precious baby girl and we love you so.

You are starting to babble and coo lots and it's pretty much the best thing ever. You have the cutest little voice and seem to talk not only to us but to the little creatures around you and also the wall. So yeah, good work. I'm sure you're charming the hell out of them all.

You are growing to like your bouncy seat and will sit contently in there while I make my breakfast and coffee in the morning or empty the dishwasher in the afternoon, but you still very much prefer to be in our arms. You still love the sling but mostly just when you want to be sleeping. Otherwise your curiosity wins out and you just examine the world around you with your big gorgeous eyes.

(Okay, soooo...you just woke up from a very short nap (like, 30 minutes) and I may have to take back all the sweet Millie comments. Or maybe not, but I kinda want to. As your daddy said, it's your birthday and you can cry if you want to. And apparently you want to. So go ahead.)

You are really enjoying the activity mat these days and will lay there and stare at yourself in the little mirror for what feels likes hours in baby time (so, like, 15 minutes). You swat at the dangling animals and are even grasping onto the rings. We're so proud.

Thankfully, you love being outside and going for walks. I really, REALLY appreciate this. You no longer like to fall asleep in the stroller though, you'd prefer to look all around and observe and stare (even if it's just at the warning label inside the hood of your car seat). You especially love the roofdeck (again, thank you) and watching this city of yours.

You nurse in short 8-10 minute bursts and sometimes even less. I try to encourage you to stay at it longer, but I'm trying to just follow your lead since only you know when you're tummy is full. The main issue with this is that you do not enjoy nursing in the car, which makes it a little bit challenging to get my errands done around town. And it's hard to predict when you'll be hungry next, so sometimes I feel a bit trapped in the house. But you don't seem too concerned. The good news is that you don't seem to be spitting up as often and your burps are coming easier. I take this as a sign that your little digestive system is working out the kinks--woohoo!

You love having your daddy around and will stare at him for days. He loves to snuggle up on you and kiss your chubby cheeks and long toes. He's the master at putting you to sleep (you don't even cry!) and I wish he was home all the time to take that job. On weekend mornings we love to hang out in bed and love on you as you wake up and stretch and smile and tell us all about your dreams.

You are the hardest job that I've ever had.

Oh Miss Bunny McGee, you are our favorite littlest lovie and we adore you. With your fussies and your sensitivities and your mood changes and all.

Happy Birthday Amelia Lee.

First Family Photo

2010-04-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

Right at the spot where the boy and I were married. My how things have changed.

Wow. We made that.

weekend in the woods

2010-04-28T11:49:00.001-07:00

We spent this past weekend at my parents house in the woods and it was lovely. Millie got to meet her aunt, cousin, great-grandparents and also celebrate her Bebe's birthday. It was quite the weekend for the little lady.

Miss Eight

2010-04-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

Little miss is 8 weeks old. EIGHT. She celebrated by sleeping 7 consecutive hours last night. SEV-EN. Rhymes with HEAVEN. I may have woken up a few times before that just to, you know, make sure. It was such sweet relief after a few straight nights of waking up every 2 hours or so (although she still held onto her 4 hour "first leg" of the night thankfully). She's also been basically sleeping all day, so I'm guessing we're finishing up another growth spurt. Grow Millie GROW. (sidenote: we went in for the "weight check" with doctor paranoid and she weighs 9lbs! When the doc came in he was all, "So, why did I have you come in for a weight check? She's perfect!" And I was all, "uh IDK buddy but thanks for freaking me OUT!" GAH. But also, YAY.)

She's been smiling and laughing lots. Little kinda silent laughs, but laughs just the same. I cannot even begin to describe the bursting joy I feel when she smiles at me. Or laughs at something silly her daddy did. It just totally and completely ROCKS my world.

Her fussypantsmcgeeness has not exactly disappeared or anything, but it seems to be showing up less and less these days. So that's nice. She still feels the need to tell us when she approves of the current activity or not. A lot. And sometimes quite loudly. It's clear she's a lady with opinions, that's for sure. I can't imagine WHO she got that from...

She has now officially taken 3 bottles! Two from her daddy and one from me. I was worried we would have a hard time getting her to take one since the first effort was total fail central. But no need to worry--she's all about it. Bradley said that she won't look at him while she's eating (see evidence below), which is hilarious to me for some reason. Then I was worried that she would get nipple confusion and reject me and my boobs. But, again, no need to worry. She seems to have it figured out juuuuuuust fine. (This mom worry thing is OOC [out of control]--I really need to reign it in. EESH.)

She's, without a doubt, the coolest thing ever.

6 Weeks Plus

2010-04-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, once again I am a bit delayed with the postings around this here place. It's hard to pinpoint exactly where my time goes these days, but I can assure you it's well-spent with my little lady. Amelia turned 6 weeks old last Wednesday. Here is evidence of the cuteness:

She continues to melt our hearts with her gummy smiles and she's starting to "talk" to us quite a bit. We love her stories (although the ones at 3am go a leeeeetle bit long and we must remind her to "find her endpoint," as Miss Sarah suggests). Her little voice is adorbs to the max though so I really can't complain.

The day after she turned 6 weeks, she went and gave us something spectacular: 6 solid hours of sleep. In a ROW. If only we had gone to bed at 8pm with her...but we were still thrilled! And then she did it again the next night and I almost died of joy. And then the next night, well, it seemed she didn't like all those consistent hours of sleep. So we'll have to wait and see what happens, but it's still good to know that she has the potential to sleep that long. I have to continue to remind myself that she's 6 weeks old. There is no routine, no schedule. She's just doing her thing and I am doing my best to read her cues and signals and provide whatever it is that she needs at that moment. I mess up a fair share, but I'm learning. But she's my bunny and man-oh-man am I blessed.

Some things she digs:
- bath time (she more than digs it, she adores it)
- butt bumps (preferably in a rhythmic pattern)
- lights (still)
- art (potential artist in the making)
- sleeping in the sling
- lying on her changing pad
- her sleep sheep (still)
- sleeping on her daddy's chest
- being perched up high on our shoulder
- holding her head up
- early morning QT with mama and/or daddy (she seems to be a morning person, just like us--yip!)
- her monkey clementine
- long walks and blue sky

Some things she doesn't dig so much:
- getting out of the tub
- the process of getting into the sling
- the process of getting dressed (mostly just the over the head and the arms into sleeves)
- sitting alone (she's okay for a few minutes, then... not so much)
- hiccups
- swing, bouncy chair, etc....aka my freedom
- nursing in the car (or at crowded parks where the wind is blowing like mad and the "hooter hider isn't "hiding" so much)
- being burped
- mama picking at her dry skin, ear wax, toe jam, etc. (but who would like that?!)

Sometimes I still look at her with stars in my eyes and cannot believe that she's ours. She's mine. She's with us. Forever and for always.

Okay then. Pictures!

One Month Visit with the Doc

2010-04-10T15:19:00.000-07:00

Which actually occurred at 5 weeks 2 days but whatever. He's a busy man.

Here she is in the waiting room, my Bunny McGee. That is her nickname. Well, one of many, many that I have for her. Nicknames, I love 'em.

On this trip I learned that she does not, in fact, love the car or her car seat. About 5 minutes from home she decided to tell me all about her distaste for it. I had to pull over and nurse her in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot (without buying ANYTHING). She still wasn't too pleased when we started again but quickly fell asleep regardless.

Miss Millie Bean is now 8 lbs and 3 oz (15th percentile) and 22 inches long (75th percentile)--she's TALL, but the doc thinks she should be gaining a bit more. Which of course has thrown me into what I will now be referring to as WorryWartfFest 2K10. I basically almost cried and forgot all my other questions for him (even though they were written in her cute little book that I carry with me everywhere). It's just, well, it was just hard to hear that I'm possibly not providing everything she needs. I mean, feeding her is basically my only job and somehow I'm fucking that up. So that was nice. However, he reminded me that he's not concerned for her (she is gaining well within the "normal" range) but more concerned for me because of how often she's feeding (for the past few days she has been nursing every hour or two except she's been sleeping normally at night since we got home from our trip). My internet research led me to believe she was experiencing a growth spurt (she had ALL the symptoms). But he just wants to "be sure" so we're scheduled to come back for a "weight check" in two weeks. I wanted to "be sure" never to see him again, but I got over it.

ANYWAY. The boy continues to remind me that she's happy (except for when she's fussypants...I mean, she is a baby afterall) and healthy. Plus, I mean, we did just go on a massive road trip adventure which maybe messed with her schedule just a bit. Anyway, I love her to pieces ohmygosh SO many pieces and I just want to give her the world.

In other news, today we spent the afternoon on the roof deck and she is in LOVE with it up there. Good thing since that is pretty much where we spend our days whenever the sun is shining and it's over 65 (which, granted, is not all that often in Chicago). So I'd call that a WIN. Don't you just want to squish those cheeks!! (Not a question because OBVIOUSLY you do.)

p.s. I honestly cannot believe how much pink I dress her in. I mean, seriously. I don't own ANY pink. Well, maybe one shirt. But still! I SO did not expect this.

Week 5: SMILES (& A Buncha Fuss)

2010-04-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

Amelia turned 5 weeks old yesterday and holy hell are things changing (uh, again). Apparently babies change a LOT. I'm not sure you knew that. After we returned from our challenging but oh-so-rewarding voyage across the universe, Miss Millie Bean SMILED! Like a real SMILE! Right at us. I'm so happy that Brad was able to be home for it and we both got to experience that incredibly joyful moment. In fact, he even videotaped it! But I don't know how to download it yet, so yeah. Sorry.

In other news, our babe is experiencing another (one of many to come) growth spurt. The past three nights she's taken to waking every, oh I don't know, two seconds to nurse. And not only that, but she's a fusspants mcgee. Up until this point it seemed like she was easily consolable when upset. It may have taken us a few attempts to figure out what was awry with her pretty little self, but she would settle. And now? Well now not so much. She just seems mad sometimes. And even when she's clearly EXHAUSTED she is FIGHTS sleep like it's her goal in life not to sleep. It breaks my heart to see her so upset (also, breaks my SELF). I just want to make it all better. So anyway, with the frequent nursing, the frequent night-wakings, the lack of regular naps, and the increased fussypantsness, I'd say we've got a rapidly growing baby on our hands. A google-diagnosis, if you will.

Exhibit A: cute 5-week-0ldExhibit B: cute jammies now transformed into cute 3/4 length sleeve jammies

Exhibit C: cute cuteness smiles

4 Weeks- One Month

2010-04-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

So, I missed the 4 week and one month posts, but I have a good reason--we were driving to and from Pensacola, Florida so we could celebrate as our bestests got MARRIED. But anyway, here is Millie at 4 weeks old being a little traveler:

And here she is at one month old at the BEACH! Which she love love loved. So yay for a beach baby.

Amelia Lee's Birth Day

2010-03-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

At midnight, the very beginning of March 3, 2010, I awoke with a start and instinctively got onto my hands and knees and began rocking back and forth and breathing heavily. Something was happening. I’d been having Braxton-hicks contractions for several weeks and cramps for a while. But this? This was different. I had learned from our midwife to try to sleep through the beginning of labor (pre-labor) and get as much rest as possible. I wasn’t for sure that this was even “it,” so that’s exactly what I did…I went back to sleep (after using the potty, of course). At 12:40am, I again awoke with an even stronger contraction. My body leading the way as it moved me to all fours and again I rocked and breathed through it. I quickly realized there would be no “sleeping through it” for me. I decided to wake Bradley…”Honey, something is happening.” He sat up straight with a grin and we just stared at one another in disbelief. “I think this is it!” I filled him in on the previous contractions and suggested that maybe he try to sleep. Uh, no. He was too excited to sleep and wanted to be with me.

At this point he texted our midwife, Hillary, to let her know that I had started. She encouraged us to get as much rest as possible. We ran a tub and I loved the warm water supporting my body and the sounds it made as I moved about. I continued to have contractions every 5-8 minutes for the next hour or so in the tub. It was a bit of a struggle for me to get up and onto my hands and knees in order to get through each rush, but any other position just wouldn’t do.

I got out of the tub and moved to the living room and continued with the irregular pattern of contractions. Some would be close together and long, others short and spaced out. No rhyme or reason apparently. Between contractions we kept laughing about the “stuff to do during early labor” list we had made and planned on before labor began. The list included things such as: take a walk around the neighborhood, bake cookies, write the bean a letter, sew (?!), etc. The only thing we seemed to be able to do was to get through each contraction without me wanting to die. I was expecting more of a ramp-up…a more gradual process of the contractions getting stronger and more painful as the time went on. But for me, it just seemed to start with a bang and stay rather consistently painful for hours until the end.

He continued his attempts to get me to eat something, but nothing—absolutely nothing—sounded edible to my ears. I was finally able to get down some apple slices and peanut butter. Also Gatorade. And water. Lots of water. He says that if he would offer me anything (including water) I would decline, but if he put it in front of my face (or more specifically mouth) I would have some. I remember sucking and sucking on that straw as if it was my life-force.

At 5:00am Bradley encouraged me to try to labor in bed and hopefully be able to rest between the contractions. I couldn’t really imagine actually sleeping between contractions but I decided it was worth a shot. We were expecting this to be a very long day—it had already BEEN a long day to me!—and it would greatly benefit my ability to persevere if I was able to rest. And rest I did. From about 5-7:30am we were able to sleep (really!) between contractions and they then slowed to about 8-10 minutes apart. What a relief! I tried to stay on my side a few times, but it was just too overpowering. I needed to maintain focus and control, and being on my hands and knees and breathing low breaths is what enabled me to do so. I remember so many times saying, “I don’t think I can do this” and “I CAN’T do this.” He continued to remind me, over and over again, “You ARE doing it.” That was the best thing he could’ve said. It gave me the strength. He gave me the strength. I also remember talking to the bean and reminding her that we were a team and would get through this together. I never worried about her safety throughout the labor, and I am so incredibly grateful for that.

At this point I was getting pretty vocal and was surprising myself at the noises coming out of my mouth--out of my gut. The contractions were progressing in a typical manner at this point and showing signs of consistency, which was encouraging. Started around 10 minutes apart and gradually dropped to 9…8…7…6…and finally 5 and were each lasting about 45 seconds or so, give or take.

Around 8am Hillary texted to check in on us and she and Brad spoke on the phone. She listened to me go through an entire contraction and asked Brad to remind me not to get too high in my register and instead focus on vocalizing lower in my abdomen, pushing the baby lower and lower. This helped to regain my focus and remind me of what all this pain was about. I remember saying to Brad at one point, “It just hurts! Why does it have to hurt SO badly?!” He responded brilliantly by stating, “It’s pain with a purpose. Each contraction is pushing our baby closer and closer to coming out!” This made so much sense in my mixed-up brain. It was perfect. At around this time we also decided it would be a good time to call my family and let them know.

At about 8:30am, I went to the bathroom where I lost my mucous plug. I was excited and scared and kinda grossed out by it but knew it was a great sign that the labor was really progressing as it should. He informed Hillary and she said she would send one of her assistants over to check on us soon. This was reassuring. It was really happening!

I was anxious to get into the tub that Bradley had prepared, but we didn’t want to use up any of the big dog tricks yet since we were expecting many more hours of this. But by about 9:45 or so it was time. I needed a change of scenery and a new coping mechanism. At around 10am I remember having a particularly intense contraction and basically flailing myself across our dining room table and wailing in pain. I got myself together and walked over to the bathroom where all hell broke loose. I was standing at the sink when another powerful rush came over me. I immediately squatted to relieve the pressure with Brad behind me. At this point my bag of waters broke and wetness rushed all over my legs and feet. And…I panicked. And cried. Bradley reassured me that everything was fine, but I wasn’t so sure. Almost immediately I had the urge to push. I was taken aback and not sure what to do. I knew I shouldn’t start pushing yet, but my body was just doing what it wanted. I felt out of control. From the very beginning I had been praying and trusting that God was watching over us, protecting all of us. From the very beginning I had been trying to relinquish control of this experience and hand it over to my body to do what it was designed to do. From the start I didn’t know what to expect, but I trusted that my body would know. That my body had been preparing for this day for months and months. It was in charge and I needed it to direct me and tell me what to do.

So there we were, in the bathroom—the perfect place for the water to break, in fact—and I was pleading with Brad to call someone for help. But he wanted me to calm down first and breathe. This, my friends, is what they call transition. The freak-out, the panic, the melt-down. I had it. He immediately got Hillary on the phone and explained what was happening. As soon as she heard me in the background, she knew that this baby was coming and coming quick. She instructed him to get me to lie down, which would hopefully slow the progression. He tried to get me to move but I wouldn’t budge. The rushes were coming so quickly now (there was no timing going on at this point) but he convinced me to move to our bed.

I should probably note that it was still just the two of us at this point. My contractions never got to the point that we would’ve even called Hillary to come (4-1-1). And if we had been planning to go to the hospital, I never would’ve made it. Talk about being thankful for the choices we made!

We waited for about 10 minutes before Rita, the doula, showed up. Unfortunately, as she was getting out of her car her Doppler fell out and was run over by a cab. Therefore, when she got upstairs all she had was a stethoscope with which to use to hear the baby’s heartbeat. But by this time the head was practically crowning and it was too low for her to be able to pick up the heartbeat. While this was not the news I’d wanted to hear, I was still quite confident that our baby was just fine and things were just progressing as they should. (Except for the fact that my body was begging to push and I was doing everything I could to stop it from doing so.) I remember asking Rita how far along I was, and she was like, “Oh, you’re there.” WHAT! I mean, obviously I was, but just getting the confirmation was such an exhilarating notion. She and Bradley were coaching me through some Lamaze-style breathing techniques to keep the pressure off my lower body and up in my chest. Brad told me that I kept closing my eyes and each time I did so I would stop breathing and lose focus, so he had to keep reminding me to look at him and breathe. Again, I felt so thankful for my amazing birth partner. He was getting me through this.

As her head started to crown, Rita was able to feel her heartbeat in her head and it was healthy and strong. Yip! Brad felt it and so did I. It was all wrinkly and smooshy. But it was our baby! Rita was helping my perineum to stretch with each progression of the head so it wouldn’t tear. Slow and steady they tried to remind me, which was extremely hard. This babe just wanted out! And I wanted her out, of course! Hillary arrived and continued to coach me through slow and steady pushing. And then I remember the magic words: “Okay, you’re ready. Go ahead and push.” “Really?!” “Yes!”And push I did. And burn it did. “So THAT’S the ring of fire?!” Brad was still by my side, but it was time for him to catch our baby. After about 4 pushes, her head was out (with one of her hands as well--ouchie). One more push and the rest of her body came flying out, quite literally. Like superwoman. Hillary had stepped away and allowed this to be our experience. As a family. Bradley caught her and pulled her up onto my stomach. She was gray and limp, and luckily I was prepared for that. They covered us in towels and the three of us just lied there in shock and amazement. With all the commotion we hadn’t even checked to see if she was a boy or a girl (I think I’ve already ruined that part of the story), so I held her up and cried, “It’s a girl!” We were beyond ourselves with joy. And relief. And jubilee. Her color came in quickly and she began to cry. She had gone through just as much (if not more) trauma than us! And she was letting us know.

I remember lying there and being filled with so much love that I thought my heart would burst. After the cord stopped pulsating, they clamped it in two places and Brad cut the cord. A little while later I started to feel another contraction coming on and was relieved that this final part of labor would soon be ending—the delivery of the placenta. A few more pushes and out it came. And it was HUGE! I was shocked. And grateful for the life-giving force that had been helping to feed our baby girl for the past 39 weeks and 6 days—she was one day early.

I will never forget this incredible experience. It was painful and powerful and exhilarating and empowering and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Our precious Millie is here!

Mini BFF's

2010-03-26T13:32:00.001-07:00

I am so incredibly blessed to have one of my very best friends (from high school--EGR get LOUDER!) live approximately 1 mile away. Not only that, but she's an awesome mom of two little lovebugs and her youngest, Lola, is just about 3 months older than Miss Amelia. Millie has already been the lucky recipient of many darling teeny tiny pink outfits. I mean, what's cooler than sharing clothes with your best friend?! NOTHING. Here they are chillin when Millie was just 2 days old.

They're obviously totally in love. Little Loie's mama has been such an amazing support and friend to me since the first day I told her the news (she was SO thrilled!) and is continuing to settle my nervous mama nerves each day. (Also, she feeds me!) We have so many adventures in store for us!

Three Weeks: A Growth Spurt

2010-03-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

So, we're three weeks in. I cannot believe that she is already three weeks old and simultaneously cannot believe that she hasn't been here forever. She just belongs here. With us. Here is the darling precious millie bean mcgee:

I can't seem to remember to take pictures with anything other than my iphone. That thing is saving my life now that I have a Stage 5 Clinger on the boob at all hours. This morning she hasn't let me put her down (minus right this very--potentially short-lived--moment). And she has wanted to nurse every 2.2 seconds. And she's been more fussy than usual. So I looked it up. And I think she's experiencing a growth spurt--go Mills!

In other news, my arm hair (and head-hair) is falling out. SO weird. Just last night I was resting my face on my forearm (at 2am) as I watched the boy hold his precious little daughter (I still die!) and it was pricking me. I gave it a little closer inspection and holy hell there's like 2 long strands left and a bunch of little short ones. I showed the boy and he was like, yeah, and your hair is falling out. I was all, THANKS. PREESH. My hair is looking even thinner than usual and it's constantly a ratty nest every morning due to the night sweats. Fun times!

But the good news is that I'm officially back to pre-preg weight. Actually, I was back at like one week postpartum (braggy mcgee). BUT, this is due to the fact that I've also lost all of my MUSCLE. My body is like jello. Very squishy jello everywhere. Which would be nice if I needed to be squeezing in and out of tight spaces. But I don't. So there's that. I cannot wait to start working out again. I miss it. I have been pestering the midwife about letting me start exercising sooner, but she's not budging. She said I can do kegels (yippee) and tummy tucks (woop-de-doo). And that's it. In other TMI physical news, the bleeding has ceased so I don't have to wear the maxi-pads anymore or freshen up down there with the peri bottle. These are the things you don't need to know until you need to know. But I just informed you. So now you may know unnecessarily. Knowledge is power.

Okay then! Millie!!

Millie is the sweetest of the sweet. Even her spit-up is sweet. Even when she pukes on me in the middle of the night because I fell asleep nursing and don't burp her and I have to sleep on a towel she's sweet. She loves to stare at lights and she's starting to hold her head up more and more. (And then it crashes down and I panic for two seconds.) She loves her sleep sheep and the sound of the dryer. She loves to have her hands by her face at all times. She loves to lie in her changing pad and stare at the map above her. She loves to take a warm bath with Mama. She loves to nap with Daddy. She loves to nurse. A lot. But in snack-like portions. (She must be watching her figure.) She does not love when she has gas. In fact, she hates. (Also, we hate.) She sounds like an owl when she cries--which isn't too often. She doesn't like to get dressed and she lets us know it. She loves to be snuggled. And guess what else? She loves us. And we love her to the moon and back.

Oh hi! I'm one week old.

2010-03-10T07:58:00.000-08:00

Millie Bean

2010-03-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

She's arrived! Our precious Amelia Lee. We couldn't be more thrilled, more delighted, more smitten, more in love with our baby girl. I can't wait to share the birth story. One word: WOWZA.

Be back soon.
xoxo

39 weeks, still pregnant

2010-02-25T06:53:00.000-08:00

Well folks, I'm still pregnant. I mean, not that I didn't plan to be...but here I am. Nice and big and pregnant. When friends and family ask how I am, my favorite response is, "still pregnant!" We crossed a pretty important threshold this past week--the due date is now officially in the 10-day forecast. I remember before our wedding when this seemed like a monumental step in the process. But trying to predict the weather on that day was way more stressful than for this day, I can tell you that much. (But at least I knew WHAT DAY the wedding would happen!) That's what I get for planning an outdoor October wedding in Michigan. It all worked out though, that's for sure. Just like this whole baby thing is all going to work out. And by work out, I mean be fantastic and crazy and wonderful and insane and breathtaking and momentous and challenging and one of the most important days of my life. So, yeah, kinda like our wedding but different.

ANYWAY. The baby!

Bean is still moving and still growing and still tickling my ribs with baby toes. Heart rate is in the 130s-140s and I'm measuring right around 38cm. As in, my uterus is 38 cm long--WHAT! Baby's head is down and low, which is what I want to hear. I've also started to have some more "period-style" cramps, which is apparently exactly what we want. So, yay!

We've still got some things on our to-do list, but hopefully we'll knock those out this weekend and be ready to welcome this little beaner to the outside world! I.CAN'T.WAIT.

Final Pre-Bean Holiday

2010-02-21T15:14:00.000-08:00

We decided to escape (all 3 miles away) to downtown Chicago yesterday and treat ourselves to a little pre-bean holiday. It was so special and perfect and lovely. And I am so thankful for my boy who spoiled me rotten. This little bean is going to be so loved.

it all started with this amazing arrangement

yummy taco lunch around the corner @ mercadito

the decor was perfect for our first (and last) maternity photo shoot

pre-5:30pm-dinner reservations (boy confirming directions in the back there)--life of the party

candles and rose petals and sparkling cider--perfectly cheesy

finished off the weekend with the Gospel Brunch @ House of Blues--so fun

Having the Bean at Home: Part Deux

2010-02-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

The more and more we read (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering, and Your Best Birth), the more excited we became about the homebirth option and it being the best fit for us and for our little family. While I have enjoyed all the reading and researching and preparing that has gone into this "baby creation project," what it really, truly boils down to for me is that I need to relinquish control and let my body do it's thing. I have NO IDEA what this is going to be like, but I trust that my body will do what it needs to do in order to safely bring this sweet child into the world. I trust that my body has been growing this child from conception without my interference (or a specific request, for that matter!). And I want to allow my body to deliver this child without interference (unless there's an emergency, obviously--I'm not anti-getting help!). And knowing all of this, I think the best place for my body to feel as comfortable and safe and open and relaxed is in our home. Where I can make the choices that feel right to me at that moment. If you weren't aware, I'm quite finicky and ornery and like things just-so. I'm a real peach.

But to back up just a step, from the beginning I knew that I wanted to have as few (unnecessary) interventions as possible. To me, this isn't about being "tough" or proving that I can do it (although the empowerment that is bound to occur is sure to be rewarding in and of itself), this was about what we thought would be the healthiest way to bring our child into the world. I want to be alert and for the bean to be alert. I want to remember the moment he or she is placed onto my chest for the first time. I hope to bond and breastfeed as soon as possible. I want to embrace the experience--all the pain and all the glory. I want to allow my body to do what it is designed to do. I want the freedom to move and change positions. I want my body to lead me (and our midwife, whom I completely trust has my best interests in mind), not doctor's or nurses.

The other big thing we'd like to avoid is the pitocin spiral. See, at the hospital they have rules and regulations and time limits. If you aren't progressing on a time-table that they deem acceptable, the hospital will most likely need to get the labor progressing, which oftentimes, if not always, means pitocin or some other drug that will speed up labor. The main issue with this is that it also means it speeds up and intensifies your contractions leaving you with less of a break between contractions to rest and also makes them much stronger in intensity and therefore possibly harder to manage. And this is where the epidural comes in. Which slows down labor. And, uh, you can probably see where this is going. The pitocin spiral.

While I know that many women do have successful natural births in the hospital, I am also aware that being in a hospital setting has been known to slow down labors for some women. As I mentioned before, the cervix needs to be comfortable in order to open up and therefore the woman needs to be comfortable in order to let it open up. Knowing myself, I'm just not so sure how easy this would be for me in a hospital with beeping machines and stranger dangers. I also do not believe that pregnancy is an illness that needs to be treated. It's a special miracle that needs to be cared for, but it's healthy! Granted, there are most definitely circumstances that require emergency c-sections and other assisted delivery methods, and if that is what our baby needs, clearly we will do what we need to do (we live approximately 2 blocks from a fully capable hospital). However, I think that if I were to be in the hospital it would be much easier to get to a point and just say, give me the drugs! But at home, I know full-well going into it that that isn't an option and I've been preparing myself for that reality (i.e perineum massage (TMI?), breathing, yoga, kegels, hypnobirthing, exercise, massage, etc.). Oh, and I plan to be in the water as much as possible. I love love love the water and the bean does too. S/HE told me!

I am so truly excited about this whole experience, if you can believe it. Maybe I'm naive or crazy. IDK. I'm just thrilled to go through the whole entire thing! (Maybe let's not talk about the transitioning part...) But when I think about the fact that this baby--our baby, created by myself and my husband who I adore--has been growing inside of me for 38 weeks and developing into this unique, special individual who is going to somehow know when to start the journey through the birth canal and out into the world, I just, I just am so incredibly amazed. (And, now I'm crying. FINE.) But seriously. If that doesn't blow your fucking mind, I don't even know if you have a mind. I mean! It's incredible. It's a miracle. We want to have the most natural, safe, and loving birth experience as possible. And for us, that's at home.

I must also say that I do not believe that this makes me better than any other mother who makes different choices than me. This is such a personal decision and it's so important to do whatever it is that makes you feel the most comfortable. Because in the end, I think that is what is safest for mom and baby.

And in conclusion: this was the most disjointed-spacey-poorly-organized post ever. DEAL WITH IT.

Swiss Chard Baby

2010-02-12T05:26:00.001-08:00

Annnnnnnnnnnd, the bean is officially full term. I have a FULL TERM baby inside of me. I definitely think my body turned a corner this past week and I clearly can no longer do all that I am accustomed to doing, like, say, for instance, sitting comfortably. I noticed particularly abruptly at prenatal yoga on Sunday when we were doing the regular stuff that I've been participating in weekly and my body just would.not.go.there. I was like, oh, okay. Guess NOT.

On Wednesday I thought it would be a genius idea to take the twins for a walk since the blizzard had subsided and the sun decided to greet us. Yeah, not so much. A double stroller + two 2-year-olds + unshoveled foot-deep sidewalks + 37 weeks pregs + biting cold winds = DISASTER times a million. But of course, once we were all suited up and out there I was not giving up. Add to that the puddles in my clearly-not-weather-resistant Uggs and you've got one sad mama-to-be. (Speaking of Uggs, can they BE any harder to put on?! MY GAH.) I got a bit worried when the braxton-hicks (yup, I know ALL about those now) started picking it up a notch. But I stopped frequently and had come prepared with lots of water, so dewai. WHEW. When we got home I was pretty much out of commission and those twins best be glad they even got to eat lunch that day.

Last night was our final natural childbirth prep class. FAIL. We were both pretty disappointed about the whole thing and I'm quite sure that they know it. Especially since Fiji gave them a few ZERO's on the evaluation form. It was definitely not designed for home-birthers (which was not the impression that we were given before we signed up) and we didn't exactly come out of it with a community of similarly-minded parents. But oh well. It's over. And feej got to practice his swaddling skills. So there's that.

This afternoon our midwife comes for the home visit and I'm pretty flipping excited about it. We get to plan out where the tub will go and stuff like that. (Uhhh, I'm not entirely sure what else, but I'm just excited to get to plan a bit more of the logistics.) I just realized that I never finished my posts about why we are choosing a homebirth. Let me just get right to that. YUP. No, really, I will. It's just, if you saw our (completely unrealistic) master baby to-do list, you'd understand.

The Bean's Lovely Shower

2010-02-05T05:55:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I was delighted and spoiled by my lovely friends and family. It was filled with delicious treats, supportive friends, warm laughter, and comforting peace. In other words: perfect.

Bebe (my mom) knit the bean a blanket!

needle and thread predicted a girl! (3 for 3)

yummy mini treats

the bean's loot

adorable cookies to go

p.s. all photos taken by bestest. the best photog eva.

Our Little Honeydew

2010-01-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

35 weeks. 35 WEEKS! And 35 days to go. THIRTY. FIVE. A little honeydew melon weighing in at 5 1/4 lbs and around 18 in. Apparently most of the physical development is complete (except for the brain! As Fiji likes to remind me--over and over and over again--and therefore convince me to eat more fish) and the bean is just getting more and more chubbs mcgee.

And then there's me. Me? I am tired. I get up around the same time as normal but my eyes? They don't want to be open. They're sleepy and squinty and heavy and beg me all day to allow them to close. I just want to crash into bed as soon as the sun sets. I've also been experiencing some new preg symptoms called SHARP PAINS in my abdomen. Apparently it's normal and nothing to be concerned about--it's just some ligaments STRETCHING. Also, there's nothing you can do about it. Which is nice.

We met with the midwife last night and the bestest came with! She was "slack-jawed" the entire time (her words not mine). She got to hear the heartbeat (130s--lowest yet!) and feel the head (still down) and witness me almost passing out after laying on my back for too long while the uterus was being measured (right on track at 35cm). I tried to describe what that feels like and the best I could come up with was, "well, it feels like my insides are being squished and it's kinda hard to breathe." Which is exactly what is actually happening. Genius!

This weekend is the bean's shower and I'm SO excited about it! The main struggle has been figuring out what to wear but after trying on several different outfits, the decision was basically made for me seeing that one thing actually fit right. So that happened. Yay!

the bug...it got me

2010-01-26T08:34:00.001-08:00

So, I'm still fighting this bug that has decided to take over my nasal passages. It's a real shit, I tell ya. I'm certainly doing much better than Sunday. Sunday was rough. (Although the day did end triumphantly with a big win--GO SAINTS!) I'm drinking loads and loads of fluids and using a vast array of essential oils and diffusing oils and taking baths and drinking tea and using the neti pot and resting. I think that' all I can really do. I rarely, if ever, take regular cold medicine anyway, so I'm not missing out on much. I've been trying to quiet the guilty feelings that have emerged because I've "allowed" my body to get sick. Throughout this entire pregnancy I've been doing all I can to stay healthy for the bean (and for myself, obvs): exercise, eat whole & natural foods, rest, de-stress, etc. Rationally, I know it's not my "fault," but I was truly hoping to avoid any illnesses with the bean growing inside of me. Is this the whole "Mommy Guilt" thing already? GEEZ.

In other news, the bests are here! They arrived last night and it's crazy to think this is their final visit before the bean's arrival and before their new journey begins as husband and wife. Yup, we've got a lot of changes a-brewing amidst our little family of four (plus one mini). We're blessed that they've been able to visit so often since they up and abandoned us for warmer weather and more sunshine about a year and a half ago. We trust that we'll all live in the same zip code (or Costa Rican villa) again someday.

And then there's the bean. That crazy little creature is growing up a storm and seems to be pushing my ribs out of the way in order to get more comfortable. Thanks beaner. Preesh. I've been enjoying our bath time together lately with lots of conversations and even some nasal-y songs. Hopefully the bean's not too picky about the musical choices. Or the voice. We'll be sure to play REAL music as well so there's no confusion as to what is good and what is mama.

Also, I've started a new tumblr blog because clearly I post so frequently here and need another outlet. But this new one is mainly to house the (mostly baby-related) stuff that I see and like or want to remember or whatnot. So if you feel like checking it out, feel free: http://clementinesandmonkeys.tumblr.com/

Cantaloupes and Things

2010-01-21T15:08:00.000-08:00

Babe's weighing in at 4 3/4 lbs this week and about 18" long--about the size of a cantaloupe, which seemed quite large until one of my friends mentioned that she weighed less than that at birth (6 weeks premature). Um, whoa.

In other news, my Mom's in town--yip! We've been eating late lunches and drinking chai tea and taking afternoon rests (her) and finishing up the slip cover for the bean's chair (her) and fighting off a minor sore throat (me). It's the first time I've been sorta sick this entire pregnancy, so I'm trying to be thankful for that. Plus, I keep telling myself that maybe my body is just storing up special immunities for the babe. Which is slightly comforting. My mom also came with me to the midwife appointment today and got to feel the babe's head (still down) and hear the heartbeat (140s). That just doesn't get old.

Tomorrow my project is to make the crib skirt. Apparently one cannot simply buy a plain old crib skirt in a solid color. It must be covered with cartoons or hearts or animals or trucks or ladybugs. Who knew? I may also end up making the crib sheets because I haven't been able to find the color I want. Because clearly that's incredibly important. In fact, my obsession with the babe's room is all pretty ridic since the beaner will most likely be sleeping with us anyway. But I've been all excited about making a special little place, even if we just end up changing diapers in there for a while.

Speaking of diapers, I'm doing my best to get as well-informed about cloth diapering as possible. We're still debating whether to start right out the gate or to hold off for the first couple of months. Fiji seems to think that we should just go for it. He also thinks that he's going to be able to "work from home" while watching the babe when I'm at the office. This should be interesting. And by interesting, I mean hilarious. Or maybe I mean exhausting. I guess I don't know what I mean because I've NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. We're probably both going to be shocked. Or pleasantly surprised. Either way, there's no doubt that we're already smitten kittens.

p.s. I learned two important lessons this week:
1. Dish soap is not at all the same as dishwashing detergent. Holy hell does that create a lot of bubbles. We're talking BUBBLES. Bubbles and completely unnecessary tears.
2. Do not attempt to put a new dust ruffle/bed skirt on your king-size bed all by your pregnant self. Again with the totally unnecessary tears.

The Pineapple Bean

2010-01-15T06:25:00.000-08:00

Week 33 has arrived and the babe is now the size of a pineapple (preferably without the pokey top parts). That seems insanely large to me, but I dig it. This pineapple child is one active baby. Sometimes the movements make me squeal and squirm with delight. It's still the most insanely awesome sensation--feeling this child move. I like to guess what babe's up to in there (it's a shoulder! it's an elbow! it's the third vertebrae!) and inform the Feej to sound very intuitive and smart-like, but really I haven't got a clue (shhhhhhh). Oddly enough, we've been eating a pineapple all week that I randomly picked up last weekend when I didn't even know about our pineapple child. Now that's talent! Or something.

In other news, I've been sleeping better lately and only getting up about once a night, which is such a welcome relief. My tum has been "compromised" for several weeks now and I can only really manage to eat small servings without feeling the "holy hell I'm going to burst" sensation. So there's that. ALSO. I may have made a new friend at our class! She and her hub weren't there last week and as soon as she walked in and sat down next to me (she loves me!), I knew we could be friends. Unfortunately, she lives in Evanston (not that there's anything wrong with that) and that's far. Fiji suggested that I convince her to move down here so we can be neighbors. I thought that might be a bit premature since I don't even know her last name. Or anything else about her besides her due date. (Pregnant White Female much?) And that she laughed at my jokes. BFF!

We tackled some tasks around the house and I'm feeling much more content with the state of affairs. Yes, we've still got loads to do. But it's not going to help if I'm a crazypantslady about it all. See--I can be rational too! Yessssssssssssss.

Having the Bean at Home (Part I)

2010-01-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted to be a Mom. I've always loved kids and often felt more comfortable (and more like myself) in their company. I started babysitting young and have continued to do so (in fact, there are 2-year-old sleeping twins in the next room as I write this) throughout high school, college, graduate school, and even now. Just as I always knew I wanted to study psychology and understand people better, I've always wanted to understand children better. And to get the pleasure of seeing the world through their eyes.

Therefore, it's not at all surprising that I've quite enjoyed my countless hours of researching and reading and exploring and learning about pregnancy, labor, birth, and babies. The more educated I have become, the more confident I have become about the choices we are making for this miracle of life growing and moving and shaking in my belly. In addition, it's not at all surprising that I have become quite passionate about this new-found interest and occasionally distraught at the state of labor & delivery affairs in our country.

When I was in college, my sister-in-law had my first nephew at home (actually, at my parent's home). I admittedly thought she was a wackadoo. Then she had her two other children at home (one was even breech!) and I grew more and more comfortable with the idea. However, I never really considered that I would also be one to have a homebirth. I just didn't think it was for me.

When we found out about the babe, we met with a highly-recommended mifwifery group who deliver in the hospital. And it just didn't feel quite right. So I began researching birthing centers and discovered that we don't have that option in always-so-progressive Chicago. This past summer we visited with my sister-in-law and kiddos and something just sort of clicked and I thought why not!? I knew Fiji would be thrilled that I was even considering it--it's like his dream-come-true. And therefore I set out on the journey to find a midwife to deliver our baby bean at home.

One thing I want to make notably clear: I most definitely do not think that all families should have homebirths--not AT ALL. Each family must make the choice that is right for them and figure out where THEY feel most comfortable. But I do hope that as more and more families are choosing homebirth, that others will have a better understanding about the reasons behind it. People seem to judge--one way or another--I'm certainly guilty. But I want to judge less and accept more. I think the part that frustrates me the most is the lack of knowledge or understanding that there is more than one way to healthily and successfully birth a child.

(I'm not sure if anyone is going to find this interesting, but I wanted to have a record of our decision-making process for us and for beaner--because obvi the babe's going to CARE. )

To be continued...

Resident of Crazytown (est. 1978)

2010-01-13T08:09:00.000-08:00

Last week we had our first natural childbirth prep class and I think it went fairly well. We are the only homebirth people, so basically no one wants to be our friends. We're crazy! I was hoping that there would be some other homebirthers that we could become best friends with, but no such luck. We played some ice breaker game (tolerable), drew a (childish) picture of our vision of "birth," and watched a semi-offensive video about the evil hospitals. It appears that Fiji and I were the only ones to be offended, but we just assumed it was because we (the homebirthers) were there and people didn't want to be all "that's just CRAZY talk! You're putting your child's life at risk!" Oh, and also, the teacher made us preg ladies sit on big, birth balls and practice rotating our pelvic floor muscles. In the middle of the room. It was awk. I also had to take it upon myself to inform a father about delivering the placenta. So that was nice. I'm sure he really appreciated it slash is now even more afraid of me.

This past weekend I also took a sewing class and made a pillow. With a ZIPPER. So that happened. I'm pretty much an expert now. I also bought a book so I can make all sorts of adorable baby stuff. I'm obsessed. Sewing is the coolest!

Last night (and the night before...and maybe the night before) I kinda had a bit of a panic sesh just as we were getting into bed (at 9pm. FINE). I have been revising our "Master List: Preparing for Bean" and starting to totally freak the fuck out about not getting it all done in time. Fiji reminded me that it's just like wedding planning--it's not ALL going to get done, but we'll prioritize and get the big stuff done and it will be great and yada yada. He's so RATIONAL. GAH. Well, apparently that's not good enough for me. I have a compulsive desire to get EVERYTHING POSSIBLE DONE that we have EVER wanted to get done. It's weird, but it's my life. It's just, I get tired at night after making dinner (or just eating dinner, to be honest) and being productive at night just isn't my thing. And Fiji's going to be out of town for the next THREE weekends (kind of) and when is this all going to GET DONE?! Answer me that! I tried to calm down, but started crying instead. Clearly that exhausted the already tired pregs and I passed out. The end. BYE.

p.s. Here's my awesome handiwork. You love it!

TwentyTen

2010-01-07T11:31:00.000-08:00

Oh, hi! I think a few weeks got gobbled up there (I may or may not have eaten them myself). I pretty much relocated to quiet, serene (and snowy) Michigan for a few weeks and am now back to the land of the ambulance siren and gazillions of fast-moving people and things. It's snowy here too and, unlike everyone else, I love it. It's white! And pretty! And it kinda covers all the yuck (temporarily) with a smooth, sparkly blanket (of brrr).

Our Christmas this year was one of the most peaceful ones I can remember. We made and decorated cookies (halfway through I may or may not have taken a nap on the couch. I'd call out directions every once in a while from my position to make sure the kids weren't messing anything up. What a good mom I am going to make!), completed two puzzles, ate a bunch of food, made more sweets, ate them, watched movies, opened presents, ate more, etc. I even slept until 7:30am most days. A major feat for me. I think the beaner received the most gifts this year...which basically means that I received the most gifts--Christmas WIN. Bebe (my Mom) is a crafty genius and knit the babe a sweater (while recovering from pneumonia because she is amazing). Looksee:

Adorableness.

After "the boys" left, my mom and I got down to some serious sewing business and made a slip cover and some bumpers for the bean's room/crib. She did all the hard parts while I sewed in a straight(ish) line. In order to keep up with my new-found talent, I am taking a sewing class this weekend.

A few days later, Fiji picked me up and up we went to NOMI (Northern Michigan for those not in the know) to visit with his family. His parents throw an annual NYE bash with 50+ of their closest friends (slash strangers to me). I was shocked (and appalled) at the number of people who asked me if this here baby growing in my tummy was planned. WTW (what the what!)?!! Um, first off, who ARE you? And secondly, SHUT YOUR FACE. People, this is why I hate you. All in all, I am already in love with TwentyTen because it's the year of the babe. Ain't nobody gonna bring me down. Also, I stayed up until midnight and kissed my hub (and tried not to cry because HI, I'm EMOTIONAL) and promptly said CIAO to the stranger dangers. And then laid in bed for 3+ hours trying to fall asleep. Those old people sure are loud! I mean, don't they need their REST?! Apparently not.

The new year has been pleasant so far. Except, you know, yesterday. I just couldn't shake the funk. We had our 32 week appointment (oh, and p.s. I'm 8 months pregs! At this point bean is basically growing chubs and moving around ALL THE TIME) and even that didn't cheer me up. Fiji made us a nice and healthy 3-course-meal with recipes from the "Feeding the Whole Family: Cooking with Whole Foods" cookbook that my parents re-gifted him for Christmas (that he is totally obsessed with) and I rejected each and every course. And then I cried. Because, why can't I like the healthy stuff!?! Maybe because the fish had a head on it! And the quinoa smelled like...quinoa? And the beets were weird! But probably mostly because I am a bitch. After he "made" me bowl of homemade granola and a clementine to appease my child-like eating habits, I wiped my tears and asked him what he would like to change about me. He laughed, rubbed my feet and replied, "Nothing." And that is why I know we are so going to rock TwentyTen. In a major, major way.

Simply Having A Wondeful Christmastime

2009-12-22T13:59:00.000-08:00

Last week I had a very exciting moment: I won something! From a blog! For the first time ever! And to make it even more special it was something for baby bean: Belly Buds. Just in case you haven't heard of these (I mean, get with it), they are like little headphones that attach onto my belly and allow the babe to hear awesome music. We can even listen to the same music at the same time! Pretty sweet, huh?! Also, it came from a wonderful lady in SF who is expecting her little lady any day now. So that was awesome.

Since we're uber sentimental and all, the first song we played for bean was our wedding song: Today by Joshua Radin. It's a good one. And if I knew how to link to it, I would. But I don't. And since our bestests were in town for the "event," babe was also forced (just kidding!) to listen to several WSP songs. All in all, a good playlist I'd have to say. The whole thing was quite special and surprisingly emotional.

Anyway, I am so super duper stoked to go home for Christmas tomorrow! Yippee! I haven't been home to my parents house for Christmas for the past two years and I hope that doesn't have to happen again. Sadcakes. This whole holiday sharing thing gets confusing, but let's just get pumped for this year, okay!

I wish you all a joyful, merry-filled, and hopeful holiday season!

Baby Mamas

2009-12-21T09:23:00.001-08:00

Just in time for Christmas, our house is ALMOST done being poked and cut and painted and prodded. Almost. 9 months later, we officially have no more roof leaks! It's a Christmas miracle. I hope the weekly mental/emotional breakdowns can take a hiatus for a while. I think Fiji was getting a little worn out from it all. There's still more work to be done and little things here and there that need to be fixed up, but we can use every room in our house and even walk around barefoot (if it weren't freezing cold, that is) if we so choose. WHEW.

Yesterday was a big productive Sunday that started off with my prenatal yoga class (followed immediately by church, errands, cookie-baking, present-wrapping, baby-room-organizing, etc.). I'm not exactly sure what maternal instincts are kicking in, but I have had this intensely strong desire to cultivate a community lately. A community of like-minded folks in the parents-to-be category. I never realized that it would be such a challenge.

I go to several different prenatal exercise/yoga classes each week and have continued to be disappointed and/or frustrated by the coldness and competitiveness I find there. It's not at all a group of glowing and supportive pregnant ladies encouraging one another. It's like a big old judgment stew of ladies with rotund bellies. Not even any smiles! I just don' get it. I'm sure a big part of it is the yuppie/competitive neighborhood we live in, but I SO wish it didn't have to be this way. It makes me sad. These classes could offer so much more. I've heard great things about other yoga studios that focus mainly on pre/post-natal stuff, but I already pay to go to my gym and the classes are included and, oh yeah, it's like 3 blocks away. I would think that of any time in your life to open yourself up and share your experience with others, pregnancy would be the time. Even for occasionally (FINE, most of the time) anti-social me. But apparently NOT. Guess they never got the memo.

When I got home Sunday morning, discouraged instead of rejuvenated by my yoga sesh, I explained (aka complained) to Fiji about all this and asked him if he thought I was also setting off the closed-off, cold, uninterested vibe. He (correctly) answered No. But he did encourage me to start making the "first move." Scary! So that's my goal for next time--say hi. Too bad it'll be NEXT YEAR! Ah well. TwentyTen is going to be an awesomely incredible life-altering year.

In other news, 4 days until Christmas!! And Baby, it really IS cold outside.

p.s. Bean is the size of a bag of flour. WHAT.

Butternut

2009-12-17T13:24:00.000-08:00

We had our 29 week appointment last night and all is well. Babe's heartbeat is right around 140 and I'm measuring right on time too. Go bean. I also had my gestational diabetes test which meant that I had to fast all afternoon and then drink a rather large bottle of peach nectar (for the high-sucrose content) 45 minutes prior to my meeting and then get my blood drawn. It was my "lucky" day as there was a midwife-in-training in our meeting and she got to PRACTICE drawing blood. On ME. For her FIRST time. Isn't that nice? She declined the opportunity at first (which I fully and openly supported since she looked SCARED), but apparently I have "perfect veins"--lucky for her I always said no to all those intravenous drug offers, huh--and me and my perfect veins (I just had to mention that again) were too good to pass up. All in all, pretty painless. Then Fiji got to feel the baby's BRAIN. Well, technically the head. FINE. So that was pretty awesome.

This week the babe is the size of a butternut squash which I find to be totally and completely adorable. It's so cute it hurts. The brain development is picking up and BILLIONS of neurons are being produced in the brain, so I really have to get on my fish-eating. We want a smart babe, you know!? We also finally signed up for our birthing classes that start next month. Nothing like leaving all the learning for the end. We're winging it! (Just kidding, I've read like a million books. Don't even worry about it.) I'm really looking forward to this chance to meet other parents-to-be slash bean's-best-friends-to-be. (Sidenote: I talked to a preg lady at the gym, breaking my long-lasting gym muteness. Yay me.)

In other non-related news, our house is like THISCLOSE to being returned to a functional state of living. After a full week of eating, sleeping, and hanging out in one measily area of the house (i.e. our bed. literally. just the bed.), we can now move back into the rest of the house and start putting the pieces of our lives back together. I think this calls for a collective cheer of some sort...Or, maybe just a round of a applause. (No golf claps either--really get into it!) Ready? GO!

Gentle Words

2009-12-10T12:13:00.001-08:00

For some reason I decided to venture into the office today after weeks of working-at-home status and it just happens to be the coldest day of the not-yet-even-winter-season. 20 below wind chill, as the radio announcer reported this morning. But to be honest, it felt good to ride the train and read my "gentle birth, gentle mothering" book as the middle-aged man seated across from me looked quizzically at the title. Part of me fully understands the curiosity--I am a curious being after all--while the other part of me would like to tell him to flip off and "MYOB*" (which I like to teasingly declare to the Feej when he asks innocent-yet inquisitive-questions about my day). There is just something about being a part of this anonymous city community that I simultaneously desire and despise. Not my only dichotomous personality trait.

When I went to fill my water at the office water cooler, I found it dry. Nothing much has changed around here. Although loading the new jug was certainly more of a challenge for this 7-month-pregster-mcgee.

I feel quiet and contemplative today and listening to this one song (Freelance Whales, Generator^First Floor) on repeat makes me want to write and write and write. Letters to friends whose addresses have long been lost, cards to new friends just to say hi from across town, notes to baby where the most-used word is sure to be amazed, messages to my lovely family that I don't get to see nearly as much as I'd like, and post-its to my forever love.

*Mind Your Own Business. Clearly.

Cauliflower Head

2009-12-03T13:52:00.000-08:00

27 weeks, 2 pounds, 14 1/2 inches, and about the size of a head of cauliflower. (Which, unfortunately for me--and now you--reminded me immediately of the unsightly wrestler's cauliflower ear. Hope the bean doesn't go the wrestling route...I just can't get behind that sport.) Doesn't that seem, um, quite LARGE to anyone else? Eeesh. Cauliflower might be one of my least favorite vegetables, alongside the ever-despised brussel sprouts and the not-really-a-vegetable yet ever-trendy mushrooms. Try as I might, I just can't get on board the mushroom train. SORRY.

This morning I slept all the way until 4am--yay me. WTF. I got out of bed around 5 this time and again went with the age-old (slash 2-day old) remedy of watching a romantic comedy OnDemand and PRESTO! back to sleep in no time. I was planning to read, but I just couldn't bring myself to turn on the lights. It was just TOO early. I even ate my bowl of cereal in the dark. Not the smartest idea since I already spill things on myself and everywhere else when all the lights are on and it's bright and sunny. It's just my gift.

I also promised the baby I would start singing to it, which probably isn't the best idea given my "kickass" singing voice. That's why I listen to bands and am not IN one. Then I promised I would start playing my guitar again. If I can find it. Not sure what's up with me and all the promise-making, but I refuse to begin this relationship already breaking promises, so I best be getting to it.

Oh, and also--baby hiccups are like THE cutest thing ever. I DIE.

Prenatal YogaBitch

2009-12-02T13:24:00.000-08:00

I had a great yoga session today. And yes, despite my title, I'm being completely serious. As we were practicing our breathing at the end (I forget what it's called, Manyasa?), I really started envisioning my labor and breathing like the ocean (is this getting too deep?) and letting the breath sorta flow in and out of me and even my breathing started sounding like the waves crashing. (That may or may not have been because my ear was crushed up against my arm, kinda like a seashell.) And whoa, I just reread what I have written so far and I'm scared. Of myself. Anyway, it was nice.

BUT then! Then! At the end of class we were briefly talking about our due dates and such and the other lady in my class is due on Christmas and was complaining about her daughter's potential birthday and her friends not being around for her party, and how she's probably going to hate it. And I was all (high from all that oxygen), "but maybe she'll love it and I'm sure it will be special no matter what." Which, whatever, sometimes I just should opt to NOT talk. But still. I was just trying to be KIND and POSITIVE. And then basically she goes, "Well, the month of March (which we had JUST discussed is when MY child is due) is like the WORST month around here." I just stood there somewhat stunned at her comment as she walked out of the studio. Um, uncalled for much?! WTF. I'm not getting upset about it or anything* because, let's be honest, March in Chicago isn't like the best weather or anything. But the odds are somewhat stacked against us here when winter lasts about 8 months or so. Good thing we don't plan to live in Chicago forever. BUT. Even if we did, SHUT YOUR FACE LADY.

*unless wanting to punch someone in the neck counts as "getting upset about it," because in that case...maybe just a smidge.

Thanksgiving Recap: Just for the Record

2009-12-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

This year we had a quiet and quite lovely Thanksgiving, just the two of us. I'm sure that will probably be the last time we can say that for many, many years. We brined and roasted our turkey, made stuffing, and I randomly (and at the last minute) decided to make macaroni & cheese with broccoli from scratch (and in the process I also made my first roux because I am unknowingly awesome). While dinner was delicious, we did manage to kinda screw up each dish in it's own, unique slash minor way. We're just keepin' it real over here, folks. The (underspiced) mac'n'cheese took wayyyyyy longer than I expected, therefore the turkey sat out and got a little dry, and then I had to go and overspice the stuffing. So all that happened. However, we're still eating the leftovers (in fact, I just ate them for lunch) and I swear they're way better now than ever. Thanksgiving WIN! The best part about our Thanksgiving meal was the hash that the hub made the morning after. And then the morning after that. Now THAT was delish.

Here, take a looksee:

(Please note the best part of the meal: the sparkling cider in my champagne glass. I die. And yes, I drank the whole bottle. BOOZEHOUND. Also note the crackling fire. Please do not note the blanket covering up half our room...we are living in a construction zone. DEWAI.)

(Also of note: my over-medium egg--it was jubilantly enjoyed even though I'm not supposed to be eating OM eggs anymore. FINE.)

This past weekend was also the first time that I felt SUPER uncomfortable and politely asked the Feej to maybe just take the baby out--just for a minute!. He did not oblige. I just wanted a little breather. No biggie. I'm also back on the insomnia kick. Sucktown USA. I woke up at 3am on Tuesday morning (if you can even CALL that morning) and just couldn't get back to sleep. I mean, I was WIDE AWAKE. I tossed and turned, which is actually more like carefully and slowly pushing myself to roll from one side to the other while grunting (like the lady that I am). It's hard to turn! And to toss! Very time-consuming. Anyway, I woke up and couldn't for the life of me fall back asleep and finally got up and out of bed around 4:30am and tried to occupy myself. In the process I woke Fiji up (accidentally), so at least he could somewhat keep me company although he was working and I was lying on the couch searching for an OnDemand movie. Basically the same thing. Geez this story is getting off track. Basically sleeping is hard. The end. Bye.

Grateful

2009-11-26T14:58:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning feeling sentimental and grateful for so much and so many. My list includes the usual suspects: my understanding husband, my generous family, my supportive friends, my good health, and the love and joy that surround me. But this year it also includes the precious blessing growing inside of me. It still amazes me, each and every day, that I get to experience this delight and wonder. I am so incredibly thankful for so many things, but especially for God's grace.

Many years ago, my Mom gave me a tiny frame that I plan to share with my children someday. It reads, "You are among the precious gifts that God has given to me." It has always found a home in my bedroom wherever I was living throughout the years and now sits atop my dresser. I glance at it at least once a day and the emotion it continues to evoke in me each time I read those words is that of peace and thanksgiving. And that is what I wish for each of you on this day and every day to come.

p.s. The bean is the size of an "English hothouse cucumber." So there's also that.

99 days!

2009-11-24T13:05:00.000-08:00

It's double-digit time people! Insane in the membrane (insane in the brain). So yeah, that's happening. I honestly can't quite believe it. And I'm really, REALLY trying not to freak out too much about it and the fact that there are like a million gazillion things left to do on my mental to-do list. I mean, for starters, our house is still a disaster-zone chock full of strangers in and out all day and loud banging noises on the roof constantly. I try to be positive and be all, "Well this means that actual work is getting done." But that lasts all of 2.2 seconds and I'm back to wanting to slap them silly. But not violently or anything. SILLily.

The babe is almost 26 weeks (will be on Thanksgiving--talk about thankful!) and I haven't even peeked to see what fascinating fruit or vegetable it will be this week. So you'll just have to wait along with me. DEAL WITH IT. I'm really looking like a pregnant lady these days and it's all maternity clothes from here on out. I ordered a bunch online--which could be risky--but seems to have worked out just fine so far. I haven't yet had the (unpleasant) experience of strangers feeling my belly--thank GOD. I am not sure how I'll handle that, but I'll be sure to report back.

After staying in a hotel for several nights I was again reminded how ornery I really am. For instance, we'd be riding the elevator down in the morning to get our free continental breakfast and of course other people would also need to be getting into the elevator to go eat their breakfasts (the NERVE!) and I would practically take it personally. They'd be all chipper and chatty and I'd grimace as if they were pulling out my toenails. Fiji took one for the team and was the friendly passenger while I stared at the carpet on the walls (literally--carpet walls). Once we'd sit down with our raisin bran and yogurt, I'd wonder, "Why do I hate people so much!?" This poor child.

So anyway, enough about me and my issues. Let's talk about how the baby moves around a TON all day long and how much I love it! I do think we've got a shy little one because most of the time when Fiji goes to feel the kicks and punches and swishes, it stops. What a little sneaker.

I'm pretty sure that the second trimester is up kinda soon, which means I'm heading into the third trimester (just in case you weren't able to follow that progression). So that's exciting. Also, frightening. How did this happen?

In other extraordinary and exciting news, one of my best friends just had her little baby girl, Lola. I'm smitten. She is just so incredibly precious and I'm already ridiculously in love with her. As in, Addicted with a capital A. If I'm this in love with someone else's child, I can only imagine what will happen when it's my own. Mine. (Well, and Fiji's. FINE.)

A Staycation of Sorts

2009-11-19T12:30:00.000-08:00

So, I'm back from the lovely land of Florida and I'm pretty sure Chicago and I are in a fight. Poor cold, dreary, wet Chicago. She just doesn't have much of a chance in this love triangle.

And now the hub and I (and the beaner, of course) are having a "staycation" of sorts. And by staycation I mean forced evacuation from our home. Either way, I'm trying to be positive about it and such. Which, if you hadn't noticed, I'm not particularly skilled at regarding this home renovation situation. But I'm trying. Anyway, I'm currently sitting in our hotel room downtown and housekeeping just left. Why is it so awkward when someone else is cleaning up "your" room? I had to resist the urge to get up and help. I was like, do you want me to leave? And she's all, no. So then I just got out of the way as much as possible while she made my bed and stuff. (Wow, this is a great story so far, no?)

I can literally (LI.TER.A.LLY) see the hub's office (and desk!) from my perch. It's very cool. This morning after he left for the office, I watched him (from 12 stories up) walk to work, which was nice. And quite domestic of me (uh, from our hotel room). Then he got into his office and turned on the light and I immediately IM'ed him, I CAN SEE YOU. Creepy much? We waved (well, I waved...probably for longer than necessary) and then I let him get back to work. Then we met for lunch after my workout and swim. I really REALLY wanted to get in the jacuzzi (FINE, I got it up to my knees), but a big sign was taunting me saying no pregnant ladies allowed.

We had our 25 week appointment with the midwife last night and baby's heart rate is right around 140-150. When I first heard the heartbeat I laughed outloud--it's just still so thrilling!--and it went up to about 160bpm, which she noted was good variability. So yay bean. I'm measuring just about on track as well. AND she said I have a nice bump--heyo! The beaner kicks so much and I just love it too much. When I'm riding the train alone I have to remind myself that strangers don't care that there is a person moving around inside of me, so I just smile (as not-crazily/creepily* as possible) to myself and keep my mouth shut.The bean is 25 weeks along today and the size of a RUTABAGA! How fun is that?! If we could get up in there and take a picture we might be able to tell what color the hair is! Also, I took this silly little online quiz and Madame Zaritska informed me that:

The day you deliver, outside will be foggy. Your baby will arrive in the late morning. After a labor lasting approximately 14 hours, your child, a boy (TOLD YA), will be born. Your baby will weigh about 5 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 1/2 inches long. This child will have dark brown eyes and a lot of brown hair.

Now, before you go all crazy on my ass, I realize this is all for fun and I'm not actually depending on this internet lady to predict my labor experience and child's sex, but honestly, I'm pretty stoked! I mean, one of the questions was "do you like broccoli?" So clearly exceedingly scientific.

I realize that I haven't really gotten into much about the choices we are making for the labor and delivery, but as we approach the "3 months to go" marker, I feel like I should. I want to. I want to document these decisions and the reasons behind them so that I can share and so that we can remember this amazing time in our lives when we started truly thinking of someone else--someone precious--rather than just ourselves.

*these are real words--I LOOKED IT UP.

The Bean and The Beach

2009-11-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

We've decided that the beaner loves the beach just as much as his parents do. (Sidenote: I just wrote "his" without even thinking about it AT ALL. Sign?) So, the beach in November is pretty much the coolest thing ever. What's not so cool is not applying sunscreen to your pale-ass-Chicago-self and ending up with ridiculous raccoon eyes and halter-strap chest marks. The sun was warm, but it's NOVEMBER! I just figured it'd be fine. Luckily, we've been to the beach two more times (in three days!) and it's all balanced out and I can proudly say I have what some may consider a slight to very slight tan. I mean, there are tan LINES. So there's that.

In addition to the awesomeness of the beach, we get to hang out with the bestests! All day! And night! And take bike rides! And see live music! And eat yummy foods! And wear sundresses--SO comfy! And read! And drink decaf! It's just been so great that it needed all those "!'s" The boys have been making dinner and even doing the dishes while us ladies just laze about and discuss weddings and babies. Because that's what ladies do when they are engaged and pregnant. And even when they're not. Because we're LADIES.

What's not been so great is the fact that Fiji had to leave today (I changed my flight to stay longer due to all the house disaster-ness that is going on--lucky me). But it's just not the same without him in our little group. I kept thinking that I was forgetting something, but realized it was just him that I was missing. (Cue: Awwwwww. Or Blech. Depending on your attitude and level of wanting to ruin my life.) While I'm thrilled beyond belief that I get to stay here in this sunshine state with my best friends and their adorably charming and NOT disaster-filled house, I miss my boy. Upon returning to the chaos, he found that the contractors are way behind in their initial predictions that all would be complete by tomorrow morning. SHOCKER. I want to punch them in the necks! Just get it done already! GEE WHIZ. Anyway, the feej will be staying in a hotel for a few nights...as will I upon my return to the cold and dreary land. Boo.

In other news, like, say, baby news...last week the babe became an ear of corn. And it can totally hear all that going on around it. It's also been kicking up a storm and Fiji has been able to feel it a bunch of times now--super fun. It seemed that as soon as I arrived in Florida my tummy just exploded. Random folks are now saying slightly inappropriate things about my belly so I think I've crossed some sort of pregnant-lady-threshold. Which is nice. One dude noted that I'd had too many beers lately. To which I responded, "Not enough, actually!" It makes me happy to have this preg belly (6 months later!), despite how much I may complain about being "fat" to the hub. I mean, it's just so crazy looking sometimes.

I must apologize in advance for the jealousy that is about to commence in your soul upon viewing these images. If you saw my house, you would understand that I have to hold onto whatever it is that makes me smile. And right now, it is this:

And this:

And these peeps:

And what is INSIDE this:p.s. I may not ever come back...except to collect hub and maybe a few more outfits.
p.p.s. It was more than hilarious trying to squeeze the "ladies" into my suit. I mean, WOWZA.

Mango!

2009-11-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

Today the babe is the size of a mango. How fun!! MANGO! I love mangoes. I really do. But I especially love this little mango.

Big news of the week is that the lung development is kicking it up a notch. Also, the pancreas is growing. (I may or may not have just googled "pancreas function" to find out what that thing really does. Answer: lots of stuff.) The babe is also still hovering around 11-12 inches, and hovering above one pound. Sooooo, not much different than last week. But still. BIG.

Reading various "mommy" blogs or "mommy-to-be" blogs has become my new past-time. It's real wild and crazy over here these days folks. Nonstop rager. The reading of these blogs is simultaneously overwhelming, exciting, frustrating, and encouraging. This whole pregnancy thing is a globally-shared experience, while also being so unique. (This is getting pretty prophetic, watch out.) It helps to be reminded that other women go through these same emotions, these same fears, these same body critiques, these same kicking sensations, these same joyful connections, the same disbelief about growing another individual inside of you while you just go about your life. But, yet, each one of us experiences it in our own ways, in our own special and unique bodies, in our own families and relationships with our partners. But sometimes it's hard. And sometimes you cry yourself to sleep at night because your baby's future bedroom is STILL missing walls and ceilings. And sometimes you just don't feel like getting out of bed. And sometimes you worry. And sometimes you might even throw yourself a little pity party.

But that's when I force myself to remember: we are creating life. CREATING LIFE.

The Sweet Tooth

2009-11-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

While I like to believe that I am a healthy-eater (pre-preg and currently), I tend to have what some may describe as "self-control issues" that range from serious to quite serious, especially when it comes to sweets since I've become pregnant. For instance, last night after our random (yet reasonably healthy) dinner of leftover chili, plantains, and a pear, I waited a standard amount of time (~45 minutes) before requesting my "treat." Fiji retrieved the leftover brownies from the previous night's dinner at a friend's house. There were 4 brownies left. Now, granted, a couple were what I would consider to be "small." I would draw the approximate size for you, but I suck at drawing. (And painting and watercolor, if you wanted to know.) ANYWAY. I had one. And then shortly after I had another. But that was where I drew the line. Two for me, two for the boy. That's fair. FINE, mine were the bigger ones. But he doesn't care. Honest (right, babe?).

After we finished watching the DVR'ed (yes, we're still in love) episode of Mad Men, my eyes started to wander back to those remaining two brownies. Was I hungry? Not really. But the desire to eat them was growing and they were just sitting there taunting me. Fiji wasn't making any indication that he was going to eat his share and I was so distracted by those little chocolate chip goodies that I could literally feel my will-power shrinking by the minute. When Fiji got up to fill his water, I took that as my chance and just WENT AFTER IT. My main goal was to get the brownie down without Fiji noticing, which was clearly my first mistake. (Or, well, my second. My first was probably eating the brownie in the first place. MOVING ON.) I basically stuffed that thing in my mouth without even enjoying it! GAH. And of course, OF COURSE, Fiji turns around probably when he hears the commotion and plastic bag rustling, just to see what I've gotten myself into. I am such a child. I immediately stop chewing and do a little closed-mouth smile at my kind husband as if to say, "Nothing to see over here. Avert your pretty little gaze!" He, of course, instantly knows something is up. And pretty much instantly knows WHAT exactly it is that is up. I'm eating his brownie. He's calling me out before he even gets back to the couch, "Didn't think I would notice?!" I'm laughing so hard with a mouthful of brownie that I can barely contain it. The brownie, that is. I want to keep all of that deliciousness in my mouth, after all. I am forced to bow my head and turn away, ashamed.

And then I had a stomach ache (AND complained about it!) for the rest of the night.

Lesson learned: two brownies is more than enough.

Deuce-Deuce

2009-10-29T12:48:00.000-07:00

22 weeks and I'm jusssssssst about to pop. I'm pretty sure this time. I think.

This week the beaner babe is the size of a spaghetti squash and weighs just about 1 lb. ONE POUND. The update informed me that it now looks like a "miniature newborn," which is pretty much what I have been imagining this whole time. My genius is confirmed!

By far, my biggest craving this entire pregnancy has been apples. I like them a lot. A LOT A LOT. And last night Fiji and I watched this PBS program called, "The Botany of Desire" and they focused on four different plants of desire: apples, tulips, cannabis, and potatoes. Pretty random, but I like all of those things! But apples are the coolest. It was really interesting learning about the history of apples (no really, it was) and how they've been planted across the country (thanks Johnny Appleseed!) and learned to adapt to various environments. Also, did you know that if you were to plant an apple seed of an apple that you really like (hint hint: HONEY CRISP), the tree that would grow from that seed would be something totally and completely unrelated to that seed's apple?! Me either! Basically by planting a seed you have no control over what is going to spring up. (This is sounding less interesting...) Anyway, they also talked a whole lot about hard apple cider and WOW do I want some of that. Give it to me! The other sections were interesting as well. And by interesting I mean I fell asleep. But I was really tired, so don't judge.

In other news, our house is in shambles. It's awesome! SLASH I DIE. We've been having roof issues for over 8 months and they have finally begun repairs (just in time for winter!) and here we sit with holes in our walls and ceilings and plastic draping all about. I've tried--and continue to try--to stay positive and hopeful and thankful that the work is even underway, but I'm not a huge fan of dust or dirt or disorganization and, well, that basically defines our home at the moment. Every day I get home and start the process of trying to put our life back together, with the full and complete awareness that it's all going to be taken apart again tomorrow. But, that's just what I need to do so that I can go on dwelling in the madness. A coping mechanism, if you will. So, as I sit and stare at the dust caked on the floor, I remind myself (and my kicking child) that we'll get through this. Together.

(Wow, that really took a turn there.)

To summarize, WAH. (Who's the baby now?)

Even More Awk

2009-10-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

After reading the previous post, Fiji was shocked that I didn't share what he thought was the most awkward (and entertaining...to HIM) aspect of my ultrasound antics. I must've blacked out from the awkness. IDK. But upon being reminded, I decided I had to share. Lucky you!

So, as I'm lying on the "table"--I don't know what else to call that thing, deal with it--and the various baby body parts are being broadcast on the ginormous flat screen on the wall to my left, I'm getting pretty pumped as I realize that our baby is looking, well, normal. Better than normal, in fact--pretty flipping adorable! It's a FACT. So, of course I have to narrate the entire event. OBVS.

Me: That's a pretty good looking head!! Right??
Ultrasound Tech: Slow nod, slow nod.
Me: Ooooh! That's a good looking heart!! And strong, right??
UST: Yes, looks good.
Me: Awww, there's the head!! That's a good looking baby, huh?!
UST: Actually that's the stomach.
Me: Oh, well. Yeah, yeah. I see it now. (No, no I don't.)
Awktown.
Me: Well, that's a good looking stomach! Don't you think?
UST [in an overtly direct tone, I might add]: Yup. (I think she was pretty much over me at this point. Or like, 5 minutes ago. Probably ever since the pants-less situation actually.)

I tried to stop talking but I just couldn't. I wanted to know what was happening! But she was just moving so fast. And using unrecognizable terms and such. However, I do know that the babe's got a 4 chamber heart, two kidneys, a liver, 10 fingers, 10 toes, two arms, two legs, no cleft palate, a strong umbilical cord connection, a nose, two eyes, a mouth, and a bunch of other to-be-expected body parts. WIN!

We debated about whether or not to get the ultrasound--even up to the point where we were in the waiting room AT the ultrasound place. Was it really necessary? Did we really need it? And to be honest, I still don't know. But what I do know is that it made my heart practically burst to be able to see what is going on inside my womb at this very moment. (For some reason it is very hard for me to say womb. Not hard as in, I can't pronounce it or anything. Hard as in, I feel like some homebirth-having-natural-childbirth-hippie or something. And then I remember, oh I AM one of those!) And while I wasn't worried that baby was going to have 2 heads or anything, it was still so thrilling to see that there is a real-live-healthy-baby-child in there just growing and moving and moving and growing and poking and dancing and bouncing and growing. I love this child with my entire being. Like, it fills my whole BODY, not just my heart.

Okay, now you can all go on with your merry lives. But your lives are clearly better for knowing this part of the story. Don't lie, you know it's true. Maybe now is the time to do a round of back-patting. G'ahead. (I literally just did. It felt nice.)

21 Weeks, Still Awkward

2009-10-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

We've got one busy baby, I tell you what. Baby is all over the place in there! Probably doing important business such as raising it's arms, stretching it's legs, bending it's knees, poking around my innards, drinking amniotic fluids, etc. Stuff like that. We even got to see the action during the ultrasound--the tech could barely catch the parts she needed to with all the action going on. She seemed a bit ticked off about it too. Baby's already defying authority, so that's promising.

Our tech was totally down to business and not really up for my antics unfortunately. I was a little nervous slash excited when we arrived and as she brought us back to the dimly-lit room she instructed me to get undressed from the waist down. Or that's what I thought she said. So that's exactly what I did. (I debated about whether or not to take off my knee socks but decided it would be best--this wasn't some sort of "Pregnant Women Gone Wild" video after all.) SO. ANYWAY. There I am sitting on the "table" wearing a paper skirt, swinging my legs to and fro like the mature adult that I am and then I start to panic, "Wait, DID she tell me to get undressed? Did I make that up? I thought this whole thing was on the outside? Why would I need to be undressed?" So I asked Fiji, who was of no help whatsoever. THANKS. Well, this might be pretty awkward when she gets back! Long story short(er), she comes in and I'm all, "I was supposed to take off my pants, right? I'm SUPPOSED to be pants-less right now, right?" She looked confused and slightly frightened at first, but then slowly nodded her head in affirmation. THANKFULLY. But then of course I have that whole inability to shut my trap when I'm nervous and/or embarrassed thing and so I'm all, "Oh good. Because that would've been weird. I mean, I'm not wearing any pants! I just couldn't remember what you had said. And then...yeah. Sooooo, anyway. BABY!" So THAT happened.

It's a BABY!

2009-10-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

Just in case there was any doubt or confusion.

20 weeks: Halftime! (Without the break in action)

2009-10-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

Today marks week 20. Wow. I mean, wow. 5 months down, 5 to go. Baby is now the size of a butternut squash (which I happened to eat twice this week in the form of a delicious homemade soup). Or possibly a banana. These two are quite different, if you ask me. But clearly no one did. Jerks.

In other exciting news, this baby is kicking like crazy! Crazy, I tell ya! It's the most incredible, surreal, shocking, and startling feeling I've ever experienced. I mean, I know I should probably get used to the whole concept, but let's just go over this again: There is a LIVING CREATURE growing inside of me at this very moment. RIGHT NOW. Isn't that ODD? It's obviously one of the most--if not THE most--natural processes imaginable, but still. It's wild and unbelievable and I just feel so incredibly blessed that I get to experience all of this. (You might want to remind me of this later...)

Also, the baby is starting to collect poop. So that's nice. The email update today told me that baby's already starting to produce what will be it's first bowel movement. That's a lot of holding it in there, don't you think? Um, 5 months? It also mentioned that sometimes the baby actually poops INSIDE my body during labor. Also, I might poop during labor. (SICK.) That's like a double-decker poop taco. Sounds lovely. (Hope you weren't eating lunch or dinner or anything. Especially not Taco Bell!)

In less-gross news, this is the first weekend we're home and partly without plans in what will end up being about 10 weeks. This means we get to organize (!) and clean closets (!) and NEST (!!) and do the stuff that keeps me awake at night making lists upon lists in my head. I'm embarrassingly excited about this. I pretty much love to tidy up (sometimes even in other people's homes, which can be awk), but I also have a serious and apparently incurable case of pack-rat-itis and a hard core sentimentality which equals a whole lot of seemingly (but NOT) useless stuff. I mean, how do you know I won't NEED that stationary collection someday soon? Or that fairy sticker book? Or that little pouch of rocks and glitter? Or the dried petals from the first bouquet Bradley ever gave to me. YOU DON'T. But what it boils down to is that I can't bear to lose the memories that seem to so easily slip away. And since my memory is worse than that of a dogs (whose memory refreshes each 20 minutes, in case you didn't know), I need those little tchotchkes, those little tokens, those little treasures from days long ago, from experiences and trips and moments that made me who I am today.

Oh, and we have a LABEL MAKER. And I plan to label the shit out of some stuff this weekend. Get PUMPED!

(Still waiting for the POP...but there's a babe in there, I SWEAR.)

It's ALIVE!

2009-10-12T13:45:00.001-07:00

Well, not that I didn't know that already. What, with the heartbeat and the bulging tummy and such. But it was confirmed again and again today as I felt soft, yet indisputable, kicks! Baby kicks! It mostly felt like the babe was tapping (tap-tap-tapparoo) my insides saying, "helloooooooooooo out there!" To which I responded, "hi babyyyyyyy!" It was quite the in-depth conversation. But oh-so thrilling. SO.

I have been feeling similar sensations for a few weeks now, but not consistently enough to be able to confidently define said sensations as the babe. Gas, maybe. But now? Now I know. The little life growing inside of me is making himself known. And I like it. I like it A LOT.

If I was much of a squealer, that's what I'd be doing right this very moment. I'm so madly in love.

Nearing the End of the Teen Weeks

2009-10-08T15:12:00.000-07:00

Check that out: baby yoga IN UTERO. Impressive!

Today I'm 19 weeks "along" on this amazing and simultaneously crazy pregnancy journey. I hesitate to share my most recent trials since it's not so lady-like. And I'm nothing if not a lady. Ah, what the hell. I'm gassy. And not in the normal gassy-gas way. Like, I light candles before Feej gets home and abruptly-leave-the-room-in-the-middle-of-a-GOOD-movie and am tempted to the open the door when it's cold and windy and rainy and am somewhat nervous to go on a plane kinda way. It's sad. And embarrassing. And kind of funny. Also, gross. I hear it only gets worse, so that's nice.

I'm trying to talk to the babe more and more because it can hear me, but mostly all I can think of to say is, "Hi baby! I love you!" But this morning in the shower we had a pretty deep (one-sided) conversation about how much I enjoy warm showers but don't like getting out and getting dressed. In fact, I may have used the words, "hate" and "despise" and "it's SO cold!" But maybe not. Only me and the babe will ever know. Take that! We (well, me) also made references to hating the NPR fund drive. "They claim it's SO SHORT but they lie! LYING LIARS." I hope I'm not corrupting this child. At least not yet, geeeeeeeez.

Not only is the babe's hearing developing, but also the other important senses ("His brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch"), which I find to be super duper awesome. In fact the babycenter update said that her senses are "exploding," which I find somewhat frightening. But I'm over it. And while I may have had a few sips of wine (and champagne, FINE) last week (it was our anniversary, Judgey McGee!), no mas for now. We want this baby to have all of it's senses and for them to be highly developed. Except, now that I think of it, is that why I'm a HSP (highly sensitive person)? My senses are too highly developed? Eh shit. Maybe I will booze it up instead.

In other news, it's my little brother's birthday today. When I was writing his card (slash gift) (just kidding!), I got all weepy thinking about him growing up. I mean, not that he's not already a grown-up. At 28, I sure hope so. In all reality, he's actually more of a grown-up than I am in various business-y ways. Except I'm married and pregnant and stuff. So, I'm a pretty big deal when it comes to the grown-up department. (I wonder how many more times I can write "grown-up?") Anyway, he's been a great little brother. He used to get me snacks whenever I asked. And relinquish control of the remote. And basically let me steal quarters from him for my candy addiction. (Actually, I'm not sure he's aware of that. But he was always the richest in the family! Since age 5. No joke. He was the first to get a CD player! And he was 10! And how many quarters does a 5-year-old really need?!) The weepiness started as I reflected on how charming and funny and smart he's turned out to be. (OMG, I'm tearing up again.) But seriously, I'm just proud to be his sister. And I'm especially excited to see him tomorrow! In his city. And for him to let me peek into his life. With his babes. And to remember how lucky I am to be his friend.

La Premiere An

2009-10-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, I married my most favorite person in the whole galaxy. Without a doubt, the best decision I've ever made. If this year was the hardest, I can't wait for forever.

The Big Bulge

2009-10-01T12:59:00.000-07:00

Well, at 18 weeks, it has finally happened. It being the "yuck" feeling, also known as "OMG. I'm FAT." While logically and rationally, I certainly understand what is happening and I'm somewhat "okay" with the fact that I'm gaining weight (because hello, baby growing in the belly), I AM still a woman living in this world. And in this world, gaining weight is bad and wrong and dreadful. And while technically I've actually lost a few pounds (no idea HOW), the clothes? They're getting tighter. And more uncomfortable. And holy hell get this OFF of me. Which is not fun. In fact, this morning I had such issues getting dressed that I just didn't go to work. "Sorry, can't come in today. I'm busy punching my clothes in the face-hole." Which, if they HAD faces, may have actually happened. Poor, innocent pants. I KILL YOU PANTS.

Anyway, it's a chipper first day of October day over here folks, if you couldn't tell. I do love October though. The crispness, the sweet-smelling air (minus the toxic bus fumes), the colors, the fires, the vests, the college football, the hot chocolate, the other fall-ish things that we all love. Oh, and fall TV. Do not forget fall TV. The feej and I recently acquired (well, purchased) DVR and wow, it's a life changer that little thing. No commercial-watching in this household. I'm probably just preaching to the choir over here though since most people I know got dvr (or tivo--dvr's ugly/bitchy stepmom) when it first came out like 5 years ago. We're slow. What do you want from me? Both Fiji and I were the last to get cell phones in our respective groups of friends as well. And now you should see us: iPhone ADDICTS 101.

Maybe we should talk about the baby now, huh? GEEZ. I hope you aren't all picturing me sitting on the couch watching Rachel Zoe whine while I stuff my face with cookies and hunks of cheese. I mean, you can if you really want, but that wouldn't be completely accurate. And I'm all about accuracy. So, just forget about it.

GAH! The BABE!

The babe is 18 weeks and the size of a bell(e) pepper. It can be a belle pepper boy or girl because it's beautiful either way (OKAY French-speakers?!). It's moving it's limbs all about and stuff, so hopefully I will start to feel the little sucker soon. I thought I kinda maybe felt a little something the other day, but who knows. I have been eating a lot of chili lately. People keep describing how it feels in different ways, so I'm just going to wait and see how it feels inside MY lopsided belly. But I really can't wait. There's a PERSON inside of me! I also can't wait until I have a normal looking pregnant belly as opposed to this enlarged and oblong papaya pouch. I'm all lumpy and weird. Not to be confused with an oopma loompa. I'm way too pale for that these days.

p.s. And yes, if you must know, this photo is totally and completely unrelated to the awkward and disjointed story above. BUT, this is Clementine. And I love her. And you should too. I mean, she has a RIBBON in her hair (well, wrapped around her head)! And a heart-shaped eye! I DIE.

Tourists in our own town

2009-09-28T14:51:00.000-07:00

WHEWEE, what a weekend! I think we walked somewhere around 4 miles all around various parts of the city, so the bean babe (not to be confused with a beanie baby--seriously) is quite the trooper (aka, I'm quite the trooper since the babe is living INSIDE me at the moment). I'm just going to take this opportunity to pat myself on the back. I don't think we do enough of that these days, the patting ourselves on the back. It's nice. You should try it. DO IT.

So anyway, the in-laws were in town and wanted to "see the sights," so "see the sights" we did. Thankfully it was the pretty much the most perfect weather weekend ever, especially seeing that today we've got cloudy skies, temps of 55, and 50 mph winds. Brief synopsis: Michigan football game at neighborhood rowdy bar (GO BLUE!) where someone got a little carried away with the cowbell (more cowbell!), Navy Pier, water taxi, Chicago River, Michigan Avenue, Hancock Tower, Signature Room, gorgeous sunset--see below, Lake Michigan (as opposed to that "other" Chicago lake?), Lincoln Park, Lincoln Park Zoo (lions, penguins, monkeys!, giraffes, alpacas, etc.), childrens and lots of them (yup, we have them here--big tourist attraction), Orchid House, the highly elusive Lincoln Park yuppies, Belmont trannies, Trader Joes, Bears football, Ann Sathers cinnamon rolls, and in conclusion, homemade deep dish pizza. And when I said brief, I guess I should've said extensive. Soooooo, that happened.

I'm now recovering. For the next 3-5 days.

Lately, each evening around 5 or 6pm I get all antsy and my muscles feel tight and all scrunched up, if that makes sense. Whenever this starts to happen, I become even more of the squirmy worm that I am and can barely sit still. I beg the Feej, "PULL ME!" In regular people speak, this means I want him to pull on my arms and legs--preferably simultaneously, which is basically impossible so I settle for lying on the couch and him pulling my legs and then pulling my arms. I cannot even begin to tell you how good this feels. Well, I can try: It feels really, REALLY good. Like, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Whenever he stops I am basically like, "MORE MORE MORE!" Or rather, "MAS! MAS! MAS!" (We're practicing Spanish--or rather Espanol.) I've also taken to stretching in random places around the house, like holding onto the back of the couch to stretch my lower back, or up against the kitchen wall, or in the shower, or in the elevator (which could lead to potentially awktown situations, but it's worth the risk). I've also noticed how OMG similar I am to my Mom. Like, frighteningly. (p.s. I love you, Mom.) I remember being in the grocery store with her when I was about 15 and just about dying (in my head slash in my totally raging social life) as she started to bend over, leaning her hands on the checkout conveyor belt to "stretch." I'm starting to understand the allure.

Next topic! I haven't "popped" yet. But I am on the verge, I swear. It's much "poochier" after dinner, which is kinda fun/kinda weird/kinda what the hell is happening. When Fiji got home from work tonight, he reached for my belly so I lifted up my shirt and as we gazed/fondled/poked and prodded at the pouch I realized it was LOPSIDED. "That must be the head," he exclaimed. I mean, WHOA.

The Turnip

2009-09-25T15:35:00.001-07:00

As you may have guessed, the babe is the size of a turnip this week. I have no ridiculous jokes for you seeing that I can't honestly say that I've ever actually had a turnip. And, since we're being ridiculously honest here, I can't say that I'd want one. What I do know is that it's a root. So there you go.

In other news, I had my first official visit with the midwife we've chosen. Her name is Hillary and we're totally becoming best friends. And by best friends I mean when she sat next to meet (as in on the SAME love seat) at the appointment to go over some paperwork, I didn't want to die. Also, I didn't want to punch her in the face. BONUS! This is pretty big for me and my personal space issues. I just like the way she does things, like she actually EXPLAINS what is happening and why and stuff like that. I know, I know. You'd think that doctors and other birth professionals would do that as well and you would be wrong. Well, at least in my experience-- if you're going to be all politically correct about it. And let's be honest (since that's the precedent I had to go and set today), I'm not always (slash possibly ever) going to be political correct. Because this here is MY space. Where I talk about MY experience. Not the "normal" or "average" experience. Mine. So, if you don't like it (7 readers), then you can get lost. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Honest. You probably have an iPhone or GPS anyway, so really, no harm no foul.

I also got to hear the babe's heartbeat again and holy hell I die. It is the most amazingly wonderful thing--to hear our little beaner's heart just pumping away, growing stronger and healthier and more robust each and every day. I just sat there (well, lay there) smiling a big goofy grin like the love-sick fool I am. We are so in love, this kid and I. Fiji's a little nervous actually. Sometimes when he gets home from work and kisses me hello and neglects to say hello to my tum, I'm all, "UM..." and he's all, "uuuuuhhhhhh?" and then I'm all, "uh, your CHILD!" and he's all, "OH! Hi BABY!" And I'm all, "PHEW. You just narrowly escaped what could've been an awkward and potentially dangerous scene." I think he's slightly to intensely afraid of me. But he's learning. I think we'll keep him.

p.s. The babe is growing bones and moving elbows!

Guac Attack

2009-09-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

Hola! Today the babe is an avocado, so in honor of it's Spanish heritage we're having free brats at our gym's annual Octoberfest (um, in September). We're so traditional!

Today is also the start of week 16. 4 months, a.k.a. 1 month from "half-time." I've been starting to read some baby blogs (shocking, I know) and it appears that my fellow mama-to-be's are much more organized with their postings and they don't just bitch and moan about going pee at all hours of the night. They actually talk about the baby's development and shit like that. So get ready to be geeked out on fetal stuff, alright?!

Week 16 babe:
-4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces (I just chugged 3 1/2 ounces of water. EASY!)
-eyes are moving closer to the front of the head (no more fishy-ness)
-toenails are growing (which reminds me, I need to cut my own...)
-patterning of scalp (scalp is a weird, weird word) has begun, but "locks" aren't recognizable (I could add something here but I won't. I am SO nice.)
-heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day (um, that's a LOT. No wonder why I get lightheaded so easily--s/he's stealing all my BLOOD.)
-eyebrows, lashes, and hair (called lanugo) are filling in--Awww, eyelashes!
-tiny bones forming in ears so babe can now pick up my voice (good thing I already put my cursing on lock-down(ish) OR NOT. But I've been trying, alright)--also, this means we can start making sure this babe has good musical taste from the get-go. No Raffi for this baby!

And for your visual pleasure (or something), try imagining this sucker in my uterus. Or don't. Actually, no, please don't. I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. Bye.

Apple Baby

2009-09-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

We made our very first baby-related purchase, and it was a big one: the crib. It's still sitting disassembled in the den (slash nursery-to-be) but it's fun to go sneak-a-peek (also known as stare at it in disbelief.) We have a crib. A CRIB. That a baby will be sleeping in. A BABY. A baby that according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar is a girl. But who the flip cares. It's a real, live baby child. Plus, despite widely held beliefs, the Asians don't know EVERYTHING. In fact, I've now had two dreams about a shaggy-haired darling little boy. (Which, come to think of it, could've possibly been a girl. What, with the hair and all...)

In other news, I'm 15 weeks today. Someone tried to confuse me by saying I'm 15 weeks along, but the baby is only 13 weeks old. I told them to GET BENT. I have no need for that nonsense. All I know is that there is a baby the size of an apple in there (preferably a pink lady...in fact, I just ate one. Uh, again with the weirdness...) and it loves me so much it likes to sit on my bladder all night. And I love it too, despite the bladder thing. That's exactly what I told the apple baby this morning: "I love you apple baby, even though sometimes the steady, slow trickle in the middle of the night makes me want to sleep on the bathroom floor so I don't have to walk as far to take care of the non-business that I think I need to take care of, but really I don't because you're just camped out like a little camper on my not-even-full-bladder. But then I just go back to sleep and get to dream of you and it's like nothing ever happened and we're totally bestests again and balance is restored to the universe. So yeah, kisses!"

So, we leave for Portland today. Portland, Oregon, for those of you who for some unknown reason think that we would be going to Portland, Maine. I mean, who really goes to Portland, Maine? (Besides my uncle, who lives there, and maybe some other people. Yes, I know. It's a nice place. Been there.) Anyway, tomorrow we're going on a bike tour of the city--exciting! The other people wanted to go on a Vineyard Bike Tour and I was all, "Um, no thanks." COME ON people. Do our lives have to revolve around booze or WHAT?! I mean, yes, FINE, I wanted to go on that like 4 months ago before I knew about the baby apple. Also, it still sounds fun and pretty and nice and all. But I'm much more mature now. MUCH. Very, very much. Ask the Feej. He'll tell you all about it.

While in Portland we are also going to Eugene (yes! hippies!) for the Purdue vs. Oregon football game. I am even wearing Purdue colors. (Although I secretly wanted to pack my GO BLUE shirt for fun. But then I remembered how this one time I wrote a list about all the things that annoy me--there were a LOT--and one of them was when people at sporting events wear team shirts that support neither of the teams that are actually playing. GAH. The nerve! So I didn't.) Anyway, my point (ish) is that the game starts at 7:15 PST, which is 9:15 CST, which is also known as BED TIME in the TillyFeej household. And I'm not even kidding. Even pre-pregs. Sad, very sad, but true. So anyway, do some math, add in the hour drive (in a party bus--SOBER), plus the time it takes to actually play the game, and basically you come out with a very tired, very cranky, probably hungry (it's a safe bet), possibly passed-out pregnant lady wearing a Michigan t-shirt for no reason. Sounds fun, huh?!

Panic & The Bean

2009-09-04T11:52:00.001-07:00

This week the bean proved it's total and unabashed rock stardom. With our bestest's in tow, we attended two shows in two nights on Northerly Island (which used to be a airport! on an island!). Take a look at the view of our city at sunset from our terribly impressive seats:

Yeah. We're awesome. The first night the Allman Brothers opened up for Widespread Panic and once the sun went down the crazies took to dancing in the aisles...among other things. AHEM. In fact, it was probably the most lenient security scene I have ever witnessed in my entire show-going life. And that's a lotta lotta shows people. Old hippies and less-old hippies unite. Anyway, it was super super fun and I proved to all the world (um, that were seated next to and/or up to a few rows behind me) that I can totally still dance my face off while stone-cold sober. Maybe not that shocking. But still, a nice reminder that I STILL GOT IT.

The only part that I could've done without (and when I say "done without" I mean "HATED") was the fact that everyone and their neighbor happened to be chain-smokers (except for my people, DUH). They also seemed to enjoy blowing smoke directly into pregnant lady's faces (or so it seemed). I die. And then I kill you. It's pretty crazy (a.k.a. hypocritical) how Sears-(NEVER to be called Willis)-tower-esque-high on my anti-smoking horse I sit these days. Ahh, pregnancy.

I mentally bonded with the other pregsters there, despite the fact that I don't technically LOOK pregnant yet (to the naked eye), but trust me, there is a lemon-sized baby in there. FOR REAL. I might even post a picture. Maybe. Maybe not. But just don't expect me to call it Bump Watch 2k9. OR DO. Whatever. I should also note that I've adopted this new technique of living called "being flexible." Also known as, "trying not to be such a cranky pants mcgee all the time." It's an experiment. And we're on Day 2. So, please keep your expectations low and your encouragement to a minimum. I don't like to feel pressured to be cheerful. KTHANKSBYE.

i gotta gO(PP)

2009-08-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you know me.

I know, I know. That was bad. Sometimes I can't even stop myself from myself. It's weird, but it's my life. But seriously (srsly). This peeing thing? Wow. Sometimes it truly amazes me. I'm amazed. By far, the farthest of the far, the most annoying part is that it takes me a while to get situated in bed. There's a lot of squirming around, a lot of tossing back and forth, a lot of fluffing of pillows, a lot of squishing of dog tails (not real dogs, FINE), along with a lot of maybe complaining about my toes being cold (approximately 2 seconds before they're too hot and I'm forced to thrust them out from underneath the blanket and out into the fresh air). So that happens. And then just (JUST) as I get all comfy cozy ready to doze (I resisted dozy--you're welcome), the urge sets in. You know, THE one. I know that nothing good will come if I delay, and the longer I wait, the less sleep I will be getting, so I force myself up and out of bed. I mosey on over to take care of the biz. And there I sit. And...nothing. Nada. Nothing is happening. The feej sometimes tries to help me out by turning the faucet to a slow trickle (water waster!) (and yes, sometimes I go pee while he is in the room--DEWAI (Don't Even Worry About It)). Doesn't help much. Anyway, finally a little bit leaks out. (I'm just now realizing how TMI this really is. SORRY.) And I'm back to my bed in a flash getting situated once again. Then I'm juuuuuuuust about to enter the sleepzone when BAM. The urge strikes again. You have GOT to be kidding me I think (slash say outloud). And repeat. AND REPEAT. AND REPEAT! My current nightly average (BEFORE I fall asleep) is 4.6 times. Not counting the 2 am and 4 am visits. I am not kidding. But honestly, possibly the strangest (and most frustrating) part of all, is the wee amount of wee. I mean, it could SO be consolidated into one trip. IT REALLY COULD. But no, no, no. I mean, I'm starting to understand why mom's say "tinkle" because that really is what it is. FOR REAL.

So, yeah. The peeing. Good times.

p.s. I saw the Jackson stop performers again (you care!) and I was even so bold as to (slyly slash stalkerly) take a quick pic (you are so excited!), so here you go (you LOVE)! You're welcome. And, if you couldn't tell from the picture (WEAK), they are dancing to "Papa was a Rolling Stone." Classic.

Strong Beats

2009-08-26T11:48:00.001-07:00

On Monday we heard the baby's heartbeat. HEART. BEAT. I still find it hard to comprehend the fact that there are two hearts beating inside of me. Take a moment and consider that for me, why dontcha. So, yeah...Amazing. Mine sounded all slow and trippy while baby's was fast and strong. We met with a new midwife this time (the one who delivered Mr. G, the son of one of my bff's) and she rocked. She's pregnant herself and that just makes me trust her even more. She even said I could continue to workout as much as I want and as hard as I want and instead of restricting what I do, I just need to listen to my body. I can do that.

I'm back and forth debating whether or not I've started showing. But I think it's just what they call being "bloated." Which is nice. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that the feej hasn't been making me smoothies for the past few days (hint hint HUB) and instead I've been eating a bowl and a half of (generic) frosted mini wheats for breakfast. I'm in love. But I'm guessing I should get back on the healthy morning option instead.

The neighbor twins have started saying "baby" all the time--completely without my influence--and I find myself loving the sound of that little word like I never imagined. Baby baby baby. Yup, we're having a baby.

Life gives you limes...make (virgin) margaritas!

2009-08-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

So, today is the day I can "officially" tell peeps that I'm pregnant. 12 weeks. Technically, the second tri (I'm really into brevity. And nicknames), doesn't start until week 13, but let's just get after this, shall we? I honestly could not imagine waiting that long to actually tell my closest friends and family (and some strangers. DEWAI). I mean, how do people do that??! Clearly I haven't changed my facebook status to inform all my super tight FB friends (and frenemies) yet, but I haven't had a FB status update since Obama was elected. So you can make assumptions about the probability of that on your own. I'm sure you've got lots of free to make some pie charts and bar graphs. Let me know how that plays out.

So yeah. 12 weeks. The bean is a lime! Virgin margaritas anyone?? Speaking of margaritas (kinda), last night my Daddo was in town to see Rob Bell (the pastor at their church and an author with whom he works) speak (perform?) at the Congress Theatre. The actual talk was great despite the boxes of stinky soap (I am a self-diagnosed highly sensitive person (HSP) slash my mom told me I was. Plus, I'm pregnant (not sure if I mentioned that) and my highly sensitive nose is even more highly sensitive. Which is nice) at the ends of the aisle that were then passed around. And apparently we were supposed to sculpt something. Or something. Anyway, the label said: "Not edible! If ingested, contact emergency poison control services immediately." Um, okay? That sounds safe to PASS AROUND to a large group of people. No, really. It was great. What was NOT so great was the fact that they had just recently torn out all the regular seats for the regular people and instead replaced them with super comfy FOLDING CHAIRS. Where we sat for like 2 hours or so. Plus, they decided to turn off the AC because I'm not sure if you're aware, but it's not hot in Chicago in August. AT ALL. We don't need no stinking AC. We were practically baking in there. I mean, the talk was about suffering and all, but COME ON people. Help some christians OUT. Oh yeah, the margarita connection--they were serving alcohol! I mean, not that I had any. But other non-pregs people did! Beer and cocktails at a CHURCH event! So that was cool.

In other news, limey and I are off to class in a few. Jealous? I hoping they all clap again. We're such rock stars! Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Gender Wars

2009-08-13T13:21:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been struggling a bit with the whole boy/girl issue. Of course, without a doubt, absolutely, what we want the mostest of the most is a healthy baby. DUH. We already adore the child madly and it's less than 1 1/2 inches long (FIG!). However, basically since we found out about the little bean, I've imagined a little baby boy. A little man to join our little family who will someday be able to defend and protect his little sissy and scare away the bullies. We already have a name pretty much settled on and I've taken to talking to the little guy (in my head) (also, aloud...FINE) and calling him by his not-yet-given name. Also, I may or may not have started coming up with cutesy nicknames and writing his name in the air. WHAT OF IT.

I also might add that several friends and family members have shared that they too think it's a boy (only after I've politely demanded to know their guess immediately). But then a good friend had to go and say he thought it was a girl (and he has an alarmingly accurate intuition...if there is such a thing). And then (THEN!), my parents both had to go and admit that they TOO thought it was a little girl. In fact, my dad's honest to goodness real true words were, "my princess is going to have a little princess!" And he was the one who--just as my head (and not my lady bits) started to appear and ONLY my face was showing-- said "my little princess!" So there's THAT. Come on people! Get with the baby boy program! GAH.

Anyway, the guilt. The guilt is overpowering. Will I be DISAPPOINTED with a baby girl? Hells no! But kinda. Just kidding maybe baby girl!! You're the coolest!

I hesitate to hit publish on this one. Just in case, you know, in 10-15 years little bean is cruising on the ultra-compact, probably hologramed internet and she's all, OMFG, MOM, you suck at life. Except, I'm sure they'll have moved on from Paris Hilton-speak by then. Um, I HOPE.

p.s. Beaner, I love you with every bone and membrane and organ and hair follicle I've got. No matter who you turn out to be. (As long as you love to GO BLUE!) (Just kidding!) (As long as you despise the buckeyes, we are ALL GOOD.) (NOT kidding!)

KUMQUAT!

2009-08-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

Week 10 has arrived and the bean is the size of a kumquat. Kumquats are the coolest! It could totally kick that quarter's ass. FINE. I'm so enjoying the fruits/veggies/nuts used to describe the size of the fetus. It's fun.

I'm starting to feel less and less nauseous (WIN), although the tiredness and fatigue has not yet started to subside (FAIL). As in, I could probably close my office door and take a nice nappy right this very moment on my desk. Also, the sweet cravings have definitely arrived. Not that I didn't enjoy sweet treats before, but now they seem much more of a necessity and less of a special indulgence. And of course Fiji won't let me have any CHEMICALS or anything. I think he spent 20 minutes reading the ingredients of various soyscreams before settling on the world's most boring sweet treat ever (EVER): vanilla bean. (No offense vanilla bean, but you just aren't cutting it without any special chocolate sauce on top.) I mean, it was made of coconut milk, which is delicious. But I requested anything with chocolate. And, I'm not sure if you are aware, but there is absolutely NO chocolate in vanilla. None. I know it's for my own (and kumquat's) good, but still. Throw me a bone every once in a while, ALRIGHT.

I shared the news with my professor yesterday before class and she then basically forced me to tell the rest of the group. Nice. When she was wrapping up class she said (while looking directly at me), "Does anyone else have any NEWS to share???!!" I was starting to look around at my classmates and shake my head, somehow missing the blatant cue. And then she winked. Which somehow put me over the edge, so I complied. And then the class CLAPPED...which was fun. So that happened.

As I waited for the train to head home, I was entertained by a trio of young boys lip-syncing and dancing to classic Michael Jackson on their old-school boombox. Classic. They appeared to be brothers (the youngest even sporting a faux-hawk and chuck taylors) who must practice a lot and apparently choreograph their own sweet moves. I saw them a couple of weeks ago dressed in white button-downs and slacks groovin' to Mo-town. I was more impressed with their Thriller performance. Um, why am I talking about this? IDK. I guess because it made me smile (I even clapped! Outloud!) it got me excited to share and experience the ever-present creative Chicago energy with this little babe.

p.s. Could I BE anymore BORING today or WHAT?!

The Everlasting Hangover

2009-07-30T12:58:00.000-07:00

Lately, when people have asked how I'm feeling (which has now entered into the top 3 of most posed questions), I hold an inner debate about how I should respond--glowy and positive or harsh and blunt? Usually these debates are short-lived, as I tend to just blurt out whatever comes to mind. Per ush. And the most typical (and honest) response I can provide is, "I feel hungover." Which, due to the fact that I haven't had a drink in over 4 weeks, is odd. And pretty much sucks. And, to be honest, a total and complete rip-off. I mean, come ON! All of the yuck and none of the fun?! That's weak. I mean, BABY, what are you doing down there??

No, but for reals. I love being pregnant. I giggle out loud each time I remember that there is a precious darling little babe growing inside me that Fiji and I created together. The whole thing is pretty flipping amazing. Feej has taken to burrowing his head into my belly and talking to the beaner, which is alternately endearing and annoying. I get hot and claustrophobic even faster than before--who knew that was even possible?! I hope the baby takes after his dad in those regards (and many, many others...particularly in the knowing of pretty much everything).

So, anyway. The bean is almost an inch in length this week and the size of a grape. It seems interesting that as each week progresses, the bean becomes the size of a type of food I've been eating and craving. Which makes me feel (even) weird(er) inside.

This past weekend the bean attended it's second wedding (in it's 9 weeks of existence). Both on the east coast, so there's that. This week the bean also experienced it's first Cubs game (we had to leave in the 5th inning due to a bad nacho experience. Then we lost). It was my first Cubs game sans Old Style. Which hurt a little. Also, sans hot dog. TRAGEDY. This weekend we're back on the road heading up to initiate the baby as an official Mullett Laker. And also announce the news to the great grandparents, who will hopefully remember my name. Just kidding! (But I do hope they remember I'm married (and no longer living in SIN) so it's OKAY to be pregs!)

xoxo

The Bean on Screen

2009-07-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

Today we got to see the Bean on the screen of the ultrasound machine (which was quite the old-school machine, I might add) (also, that totally rhymed! Yesss). Fiji had to point out the bean to the midwife. He's a genius. The midwife also had a mullett and spoke in an (bad) Irish accent at times. So that was fun.

At first she thought Bean was only 7 weeks--which may be cause for a concern--so she called in another ultrasound tech (who actually KNEW how to work the machine) and it turns out the Bean is right on track at exactly 8 weeks old. Go bean! ALSO. The nickname is apropos once again as the bean is the size of a kidney bean this week.

Feej and I spent several hours at the OBGYN while my lady bits got poked around and then they drew like 17 viles of blood. Which was nice. I also found out I have a retroverted uterus which led to the midwife saying ASS. Good times! We can't believe it's all really happening. It's all happening!*

*We'll watch Almost Famous one day Bean, okay?

Blueberries and Bruises

2009-07-16T14:17:00.001-07:00

Today, the bean is officially a blueberry. Yummo. (Was that weird?)
Yesterday, I fell (because I am an idiot slash major klutz) and got a serious bruiser below my knee. Ouch! I'm gimping around the house and trying to ice and rest it as much as possible. BOR-ING.

I also learned that beaner (or berry, now) is growing hands and feet! It's still so crazy to think that there's this little precious creature growing inside of me.

The Feej is down in Costa Rica starting to pick out lumber for our future home...exciting! Now I'm just anxiously awaiting the bestest's visit tomorrow! Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss.

Um, there's a baby in my belly

2009-07-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Bean,

Hi! Today you are the size of a lentil bean. A lentil bean! That's teeny! You are 6 weeks and 1 day old. Last week you were the size of a sesame seed, so you're really moving on up. Good work!

Below are some pictures of your dad and me the day after we found out about you, which happened to be the 4th of July (fireworks!). And also my friend's wedding on Cape Cod (unused open bar!). I spent the day and night pretending to drink. Your father, on the other hand, did not.

KBYE! Er, not really because you and me are like totally in this TOGETHER and stuff! We adore you already.

xoxo